We're going to have a wedding!

At the kick-off of this holiday season, we were given some news. Our oldest, Joshua and his girlfriend Evy told us that they had set a wedding date and were planning to get married September 1, 2012. I phrase it this way because when questioned by Nadya, (Evy’s delightful Russian mother who is a spitfire) if she could say that they were ‘engaged’ Josh replied ‘No’, he needed to propose yet. I know, I know, whah????

See, these two are a little unconventional in some (most) traditional realms and we love them for it. Josh informed us that he was not going to be purchasing Evy an engagement ring because: a) she said she didn’t want and/or need one b) it cost money they don’t really have and c) they know they are getting married, why do they need an engagement ring to show to everyone else–a wedding band should cover it right? So we proceed with the ‘engagement’, although I am informed today that he still needs to actually propose, he is working on that. He did inform me that he did speak to Nadya and acquired her permission for this whole proposal thing (again, should you have done that BEFORE you told her you had a date set to marry her daughter??). Anywhoooo, I am learning in yet another way that my oldest is far from conventional. Honestly, it makes me laugh. However, his lack of ‘proper’ order is stressing out his oldest younger sister who can’t quite figure out WHAT they are doing.

The wedding plans? Well, I am sure those will be unique as well. If it was one of our daughters, I would already have most of it figured out in my mind. Mainly because over the years, when the girls and I have discussed weddings, we have always talked about our likes/dislikes and what we would like to do/not to do at such time as they each get married. This one though??? I have NO idea how to proceed with this event. All I have to go on is that the ultimate desire of the bride and groom is a ‘picnic in the park’. I’ve heard ‘baked potatos’, I’ve heard ‘potluck’, but honestly it is much too early to have details at this point. I have told Joshua that I will try my hardest to not become a pain in his and Evy’s butts during this planning process. I will be supportive and I will keep my mouth shut. I have also asked him to tell me to shut up if I start to drive him nuts, but he needs to remember that when it comes to brainstorming ideas about large group events, my mind will always kick into a problem solving, logistics management mode.

Our future daughter-in-law Evy comes from a very large extended family. Her mom is one of 13 children, all of whom immigrated to the United States (via Israel) from Siberia in the early 1980s. From what I am told, they are a very large and very entertaining family who never goes anywhere without bringing food, lots and lots of food. I have heard the word ‘crazy’ used often when she and Josh describe her extended family and associated family encounters (always said with a smile on their faces). I will readily admit that I have already begun to refer to the upcoming nuptials as ‘my big fat Russian wedding’. I think my dear, Great Auntie Al may roll over in her grave before this amazing festival of nuptials passes! It makes me smile just when I think about it. My big city lawyer younger brother (who is absent from most family events) has even told me that he wants to be here (pray that his scheduled trial is postponed!). Now THAT will be a minor miracle!

As we anticipate gaining a new daughter (in-law), and our family merging with this larger contingent, we look forward to the richness that will be added to our family. We look forward to ‘my big fat Russian wedding’. Stay tuned!

Family Photos

After years of procrastination, this November, we FINALLY took the time to have some professional pictures taken of the fam.  The procrastination had to do with the fact that I was always hoping to lose that 20 30+ lbs before subjecting myself to the scrutiny of a camera lens.  At the beginning of November the subject of family photos came up again.  When I replied that I just wanted to lose some weight, Kirsten told me, 'Mom who are you trying to kid?'.  Point taken, game won, photographer arranged.

The wonderfully talented Jessica Kasparian spent a VERY cold morning with us and made us all feel very relaxed.  I think the pictures show that we actually enjoyed the process.  Enjoy...

I believe this one they were laughing because she asked Dean and I to hold hands and look at each other.  This CRACKED the kids up.

This picture is PERFECT! 

Evy and Joshua, or as we anticipate on September 1, 2012, "Mr. and Mrs. Joshua and Evy Haan"

My deepest apologies for being absent.

Maybe no one has noticed, but I haven't written in a long time.  I have a series of excuses, but I won't go into disgustingly boring detail.  My life has just been a little out of my control.  In anticipation of surgery last Wednesday, December 14, I was working like a wild woman to get caught up at both of my jobs as well as trying to get everything done and prepped for Christmas.  Having surgery in December seemed like an ok idea at the time I scheduled it, but the reality is not so great.  On the other hand, I honestly can't remember the last time I had EVERYTHING ready for Christmas by December 12 (my self-imposed deadline).  HOWEVER, it did make me a little nutso the last month.

The night before my surgery I worked at job #2 until 7 pm trying to finish up loose ends--cut checks, run reports, send emails, you know try to pre-empt those questions and requests that might come up.  It really was all for nothing.  My intention was that no one would 'bother' me for at least 2 weeks.  In fact, I had been quite clear that I was intending to be on pain meds and so asking me questions regarding bookkeeping matters was ill advised.  My REPEATED warnings didn't sink in.  Sad to report, the day AFTER surgery I started receiving texts regarding job #2.  Good grief.  I understand on the one hand, but seriously??? That was not to be outdone by the phone call I received yesterday informing me of yet more 'issues' that this person felt I needed ot take care of.  CAN EVERYONE PLEASE JUST MELLOW OUT AND LET ME HAVE A LITTLE TIME OFF???  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm more than willing to answer questions, but the bookkeeping 'stuff' I specifically asked to not be bothered about for 2 weeks.  That is all I asked, 2 weeks.

So, here I sit, 6 days post-op.  I honestly canNOT remember the last time I stayed inside my house for 6 days.  I don't think I have ever stayed in my house for this long...wait, maybe I have when I was on bedrest with Kirsten.  Ok, but that was 19 years ago, so does that really count??   I got through surgery last week, not without a few little 'issues'. 

First, I decided that I didn't want to have anyone sitting with me behind curtain #1 while I anticipated being drugged and cut and sawed.  Soooo, I told Dean to drop me off at admitting and come back when he heard they were finishing up.  He works down the street from the hospital so it isn't as cold as it sounds.  PLUS, he could log into the hospital's website and watch the surgery schedule board from his office and thus monitor the progress of my surgery.  So, he went in with me to sign in and then headed to work.  I sat and waited.

They checked me in, bagged and labeled my comfy yoga pants and hoodie in exchange for a lovely hospital gown, put the IV in and then pulled the curtain.  I dozed for the next hour, until at one point I woke up and realized the IV line was red, BRIGHT RED.  Hmmmmm, I don't think this is right. I pushed the nurse button.  Soon there was a bit of a buzz behind curtain #1 as they realized the IV line had come undone and my blood had been leaking out into what had become a rather large puddle on the floor.  BRILLIANT.  (Have I mentioned that the last surgery I had resulted in a second emergency surgery due to internal bleeding??  uh huh--that was another interesting stay in the hospital.)  So, we had a little delay getting into the OR that day.  At one point, I do remember waking and hearing sawing and deciding it was better to sleep.  After surgery, the Dr. told me that my foot was worse than he had anticipated.  OUTSTANDING!  Then I asked him if that meant I had a good reason to 'be bitching about the foot pain I had been having?'. This seemed to make everyone laugh and he told me that yes, I DEFINITELY had a reason to bitch.  Whew! I was worried that maybe my Grandpa SK genes had failed me in the "tough it up department", now I had confirmation from the surgeon that my foot had in fact been a mess that definitely required surgical intervention, thus my occasional bitching had been warranted. 

Then the good news.  Because the foot was worse than anticipated I was informed that I could put absolutely NO WEIGHT on my foot for the next several weeks.  Yippee!  This was going to add an entirely new dimension to my 'learning patience' exercise that I had been anticipating in the weeks leading up to surgery.  I had gotten pretty comfortable with the idea of walking in a boot bearing weight on my heel only and felt I could conquer that no problem.  This was something different.  This meant crutches, or HORRORS, a WALKER.

This thing comes with a warning that states: 
Do not use on stairs.

We returned home that night with a walker and crutches.  Let me be the first to say that trying to use either of these devices while balancing on one foot is not an easy task.  Add to that the fact that I have rheumatoid arthritis which has weakened my arms and elbows (oh and let's not forget that I had to go off my RA meds for weeks in anticipation of the surgery), and I was a very annoyed and frustrated patient after the first day.  Oh, and did I mention that the pain meds make me itch UNCONTROLLABLY from head to toe??  That's right, I had told the Dr. this and he told me to just take Benadryl with the pain meds--guess what? Benadryl didn't help. AT.ALL.  By the end of Day 1 Post-Op, I think Dean and the girls were ready to kill me and I was ready to at least severely mutilate anyone in my path I was so miserable.  On Day 2 PO I decided to skip the pain meds.  I will take the pain over the itching ANY.DARN.DAY.  Yesterday, I finally gave up on the crutches and Dean brought home, this wonderful piece of durable medical equipment called a 'knee scooter'.  I NEVER in my life thought I could be excited about such a thing, but the first spin around the bedroom, I was hooked, I will be able to move farther than the bathroom!  Yippee!!

So, here I am Day 6 PO and I am beginning to wonder how I will make it through the next several weeks without going completely nutso.  I guess I am slowly accepting how much I need to learn patience.  And guess what?  When this foot heals, I get to do it all over again.

Good times, good times.

Happy 15th Birthday Annika!

Well, it is here and official.  Annika turned 15 today!  That means that she can get her driver's permit (just as soon as I pay $400 and enroll her in driver's ed classes!).  I can hardly believe that she is 15, but then again I also keep finding it strange that I also have a son old enough to legally purchase alcohol! 

Josh and Kirsten came home to help her celebrate.  It is a long weekend of festivities.  Last night we had the friend birthday party--big success.  Such a nice group of girls.  We took them out to dinner and they were all so appreciative.  They even each offered to pay for their own!  It was interesting to me how these girls were so concerned about us buying them dinner, they asked what their price limit was and everything!  I don't think I have ever had that before!  Tonight is our family dinner out.  Then Sunday will be the extended family lunch/dinner.  Are you getting the birthday theme?? Food and lots of it!

So Happy 15th Birthday Annika!  You are growing into such a wonderfully confident young lady.  Your sense of humor continues to develop and we LOVE.IT.  Oh and congratulations on getting in the high school musical too!!  We can't wait!!

We Love You!!

Challenge: The List

Currently I am attempting to read “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp. I say attempting because I find it difficult to carve out time to sit and read. Historically, my reading time has generally been at bedtime, but these days by the time I get there, I don’t last very long and I am usually drawn to my nightstand’s stack of decorating, cooking and sewing magazines FIRST before I pick up a book. So, I am attempting to read “One Thousand Gifts”. This book is not the type of book that I generally pick out to read. However, I made a commitment to read the book and gather weekly with a group of women to discuss a chapter at a time. I must be brutally honest that while Voskamp writes beautifully and eloquently, her writing style is COMPLETELY lost on me. The message of the book, however, is not.

The subtitle of “One Thousand Gifts” is ‘A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are’. This sub-title is what hooked me. For the last several years Dean and I have felt in many ways that our lives are ‘on hold’. Plans to go full time on the mission field, derailed. Attempts to sell our home, derailed. Quest for good health, derailed. Search for more time to spend on the things we enjoy, derailed. It feels that we are always waiting for something to start a chain of events where our real life can start. Frustrations with work, family, health, church, finances always seem to drain the energy and make us yearn for a fresh start. A Do-Over.

This year we prayed for God’s leading and direction. If He wanted us to move, he would allow our house to sell, our debts to be paid, and a new path to be dictated. Our self-imposed deadline was the first part of September. Well September came and went, and with September came a new health (and financial) challenge. We pulled the For Sale sign down and realized, again, that God has other things in mind for us right now.

So, moving on. ‘A Dare to Life Fully Right Where You Are’. I will give it a try. I picked up the book and I started to read. By Chapter 3 I was hooked. Again, remember, I have to fight through the verbose to connect with the message, but I am connecting with the message. I relate to the author’s feelings of disappointment, sadness and restlessness. Her quest for T.I.M.E. Then, she stumbles onto something, being thankful and it changes her, for the better.

A friend challenges Ann to begin making a list of 1,000 things to be thankful for. She discovers that once you have identified those things, however small, give THANKS for them. Each of those things are a blessing, a way that God shows you how he loves you. A gift to you, to remind you, that you are special. By giving thanks, we set the tone for amazing things to happen. At first the concept of list-making can be a little difficult to grasp. I think in today’s world, we are always in the bigger is better mode. We forget to recognize those tiny things throughout our day that can make us smile. In the book, Ann starts her list and shares many of the examples. As you read her list beginnings you see how retraining the eye to not overlook things as simple as the colors of soap bubbles can enable you to find joy in their beauty. The chubby hands of a small child. The smell of fresh buttered toast. The first sip of your morning latte’. All of these things that can and do bring warmth to your soul.

Earlier this week, a friend was struggling to put a bad mood behind her. I suggested to her to try to recognize throughout her day all those things that may bring a flash of smile to her face. When she felt the smile, write down the cause and give thanks! Then, continue to add to it. See how fast you can get to 1,000 things. Once you open your eyes, it can change, EVERYTHING.

So I challenge you (along with Ann Voskamp), to grab a small notebook and start recording. As you record, don’t forget to give thanks.

A few of mine for today:

* A warm shower.

* The quiet of the house, a chance to breathe.

* A smiling picture posted on Facebook.

* A fresh, warm cheesy goodness piece of pizza.

* A quick lunch with my best friend and husband.

* Bright red fall leaves set against the clear blue sky.

Another day

The last few weeks have been the usual. Work, church, meetings, appointments, work. I find I am having a very difficult time keeping track of what day it is. Maybe I need to start putting a big ‘X’ on the calendar at the end of each day. Part of the usual routine the ongoing adjustment to living with (finally diagnosed) rheumatoid arthritis. I fully acknowledge and appreciate that to some it might not sound like any big deal, but to me I find that mentally it is a big deal. While I am thankful for a diagnosis and a course of treatment, I find myself frustrated with several aspects of the whole bizness.

I don’t think that most people have any real idea what rheumatoid arthritis is. R.A. is not the same as osteoarthritis. Osteoarthritis is the most common joint disorder and is characterized as being wear and tear on a joint. We get older, we experience stiffness and less mobility, especially in those areas where we might have suffered an earlier injury. By the time you are 70, almost everyone has experienced some sort of osteoarthritis. As we age, the cartilage wears down and you get more areas where bone rubs on bone. While this is not pleasant, it is a natural part of aging, often see at a younger age in people that are very active in sports and/or exercise.

R.A. is very different. R.A. is an autoimmune disorder where your body mistakenly attacks healthy tissue. It can strike at any age. The cause is unknown. It is a long term disease that causes inflammation of the joints and surrounding tissue. R.A. can affect almost every part of your body including your lungs, heart, and eyes. It causes fatigue as well as severe pain and decreased mobility. It is not something that can be ‘cured’. So if someone ever tells you that they have been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, it isn’t helpful to them for you to compare it to the arthritis you have in the knee you hurt when you were in high school. While I can appreciate that your knee is stiff and painful, it is not the same as what I (and others who have RA) experience on a daily basis.

Every morning when I wake up (and this is after I have been awakened several times during the night because of pain in my joints and the need to shift into a more comfortable position), the first few seconds of consciousness I feel great. Then my sensory function kicks in and I ache and hurt everywhere. I shift my leg and my pain shoots through my right knee (the one that doesn’t seem to want to bend the way I need it to whenever I go down stairs). I move my foot and again pain shoots through every joint, up my leg. Then I move my arms. A ring of pain encircles my elbows as I try to straighten out my arms. I lay there for a long while, not wanting to move. Finally, I force myself to sit up and I swing my legs over the bed. I stand, putting weight on my feet and the joints that have been worn and thinned by a combination of a deformity in the bone formation-- weakened by the significant amount of fluid surrounding each joint that slowly has eroded the bone density of the joint. This is how my mornings go. I hobble around until slowly the joints begin to warm and loosen. It is not just in the waking moments of each day. If I sit for too long (for me I find as little as 20 minutes in a stationary position can do it), I find that most of my joints seize and I have to go through the warming up process all over again.

I describe all of this to give a little glimpse of what it is like for me. I do not share in an attempt to garner sympathy, but instead to offer information.  Again, I am thankful for a diagnosis where my doctor is now working to find something that will work well for me. While we cannot undo the damage that has already been caused, we can find treatment that will (hopefully) help prevent further erosion and will reduce some of the symptoms. The first round of drugs did not go well for me. I could not tolerate the drugs used to treat cancer. My skin peeled, I had excruciating headaches not to mention an attack on my digestive tract. We have since moved on to what are termed as ‘biologics’. To me that is just a silly term that describes VERY expensive medicine that is not on my insurance carrier’s drug formulary. Imagine my surprise when I was told that the medicine I needed would cost $1950 a month and that the insurance company was only willing to be half of that cost. To say I was stoked doesn’t adequately cover it. So, I picked up my first month’s supply, crossed my fingers and hoped that it would work. After 2 weeks I don’t feel much different but I can tell that the obscene swelling in my feet has gone down to the point that I can squeeze my feet back into my Danskos (which is a good thing because I have several pairs and I really don’t think I can afford to pay for the medicine AND buy new shoes!). We have learned about a program that the drug manufacturer offers that helps pay the uncovered costs of the medicine. Hopefully it will help in a significant way.

With the diagnosis comes other realizations. As I have said, my new medication routine involves very expensive medicine that needs to be refrigerated. As that new part of my life sunk in, I realized that this may greatly affect our desire to live in parts unknown some day. We had hoped and planned that after Annika graduated from high school, we could finally start our ‘second career’ working for a mission-related organization in some foreign assignment. Now we are not sure how this will all factor in. I feel that there may be some more change in mindset in that plan.

The other realization, surgery. Two weeks ago I was told that I will need surgery on both feet. I have deformities in both feet that only surgery can correct. The RA hasn’t caused the deformities, but it has exacerbated the deformity issues to the point that surgery is the only remedy to alleviate the pain that I constantly feel. The first surgery will be December 14. They tell me that I will need to wait at least 3 months, then I will have the second surgery. The surgeon tells me that it takes the average person 9 months before they are fully healed. So, I anticipate a fun year! Again, I am thankful for a treatment option, but I am a bit overwhelmed thinking spending the next several months hobbling around. Honestly though, I am not able to walk very much now, so what is another year?

(Almost) All Grown Up!

I can't get motivated to do much today.  Right now we are waiting for some friends to stop in and share a glass of wine (or a beer) and catch up on our lives.  We SO wish that these friends lived next door. Sadly they are only 40 minutes away, but we don't get to see each other near enough!  So while I am waiting for some of our favorite people to arrive, I thought I might do a little updating.

Today is one of those awesome crisp fall days.  I woke up this morning and it was foggy.  You know the kind of fog?  That fall fog where the air is just cold enough to cling to the spider webs.  Usually I see all those webs outside and I feel the urge to go and sweep them all away, but this morning, I just peered out and looked at all the intricate designs that our spider friends had made.  Then I crawled back in bed for a little more sleep.  The rest of the day has been like that.  Nap a little, run the Saturday errands, nap a little more.  I feel guilty, but then Dean keeps reminding me that my body needs a little rest.

The last few weeks have been a whirlwind.  We successfully moved Josh and Kirsten to Seattle Pacific University.  I can't believe they have already finished their first 2 weeks of classes!  Josh is loving his campus housing pick this year.  He is living on the main floor of a university owned house with 3 other guys.  The place is a college senior's dream.  In the middle of campus (directly across the street from Kirsten's dorm!), HUGE living room and dining room (perfect for having lots of people over to hang out), 3 bedrooms, basic kitchen and large picture windows that let the light flood in.  Oh and the view out the windows isn't so bad either.   Oh and he can even park in the house's driveway, another bonus!  I can hardly believe that he is a senior!  That's right, he will GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE this coming May.  I still can't get used to the fact that I have a child that can legally purchase beer!  When I was his age, I was married, owned a house and was thinking about having him!  He is managing to work at Gwinn and keep up with a busy class load.  Last week he told us he was spending 2-3 hours A DAY working on his French for class.  His dedication to learning is inspiring to me.

I wonder if Kirsten has managed to keep her bed made and her half of the room this clean.

Kirsten has definitely adapted to college life.  I love to stalk her Facebook page so that I can see all the fun she is having.  She survived her first biology test this week.  She tells me it was hard, but she got through it.  Oh how I wish that I had her same confidence when I was 18.  She amazes me!  She is taking Biology, Chemistry, Calculus and then another 'USEM' class.  She and her roommate seem to be getting along very well so we are thankful for that.  We were thankful when we helped her unpack and set up her dorm room and she was able to fit everything in.  For a child to go from having a 12 foot walk-in closet to a small dorm room armoire, we were a little concerned, but she did it!  And she had a little room to spare!  People have asked us if it is weird to send the second one off to college--if we were sad.  Honestly, we can answer 'no' to that question.  We definitely miss having her around on a daily basis, but when we finally arrived at moving to college day and we saw her absolute joy and excitement over moving into this next stage of life, how could we be sad? 

Kirsten and some of her new college friends--how can you not smile when you look at these girls?

While moving into this phase where we have 2 kids in college has been a wide range of emotions, probably the biggest joy we have had the last 2 weeks is seeing how well Annika is doing with this change.  All year we have been a little geared up in anticipation of how these big changes were going to be weathered.  First, she started high school.  Guess what?  SHE.LOVES.IT.  Her classes are going well, she is confident in several friendships, and she greets each school day WITHOUT DREAD.  Then, we had to go through the 'my brother AND my sister are going away to college' step.  Again, we have been overwhelmed with thanksgiving at how that transition has gone.  I think we are almost ready to say that the tens of thousands of dollars we have spent on her care and therapy the last 7 years have all been well spent and all worth it.  Almost.  Ask me when we are done paying off our last loan!  In all seriousness, Dean and I have spent a lot of time talking about it lately.  We have come to the consensus that for the first time in 7 years, we can honestly say that Annika and her 'issues' are the least of our concerns these days.  There was a time when we didn't know if we would ever be able to say that.  It is pretty amazing.

Yup, I think I like this stage of parenting.  Not too shabby, not too shabby at all.