Things to NOT say at work.

As I have discussed before, I have two work environments.  Job #1 I have had for many, many, many years.  This job involves managing a small office with an interesting cast of characters.  Job #2 currently involves doing bookkeeping for the church that we attend (I was also doing secretarial work, but I have been on a leave of absence for my foot surgery).  Both environments have their pluses and their minuses.  I need to be clear that this entry is about an incident at job #1.

I arrived at work this morning (job #1) and was greeted by my co-worker who told me she had something to share.  She informed me that this was going to fall under the category of ‘I had to hear it, so you have to hear it too, it is only fair’.  Oh boy, these kinds of things are NEVER good.  She proceeded to tell me that yesterday bossman #1 (which would be the one that signs my paychecks—or more accurately the one whose signature I forge on my paychecks—who is not to be confused with bossman #2 who shares office space but who has no input on said paycheck)  had shared some wonderful information with her.  It seems that bossman #1 was talking with her, and our other long suffering employee, about his recent illness.  It seems he went into vivid detail (and when I say ‘vivid’ I mean that while launching into a verbal discourse, he added physical actions to the dissertation).  I should back up to say that recently he and his wife flew to Palm Springs so that he could attend a conference.  A friend of his wife’s had joined them and the 3 of them shared a hotel room (ok, I know it IS weird for people that are in their 60s and financially solvent).  While they were there, he became violently ill and ended up in the hospital for a few days.  Back to the story…

ANYWAY, he informed my 2 office-mates that unfortunately for their friend, she got to seem him in all his naked glory as he crawled across the hotel room floor in an attempt to reach the bathroom before bodily fluids were forcefully emitted from all parts (have you seen ‘Bridesmaids’??---think ‘VOLCANO!’).  When they asked him why he had no clothes on, he informed them ‘oh I always sleep in the nude, if I had put the robe on, I would have puked on it’.  Uh-huh, of course!  Even when you and your wife and your wife’s friend are too cheap to each get your own hotel you decide it is still ok to wear NOTHING, and then you make matters even more awkward (revolting????) by crawling around nude on said hotel room floor AND THEN by telling your employees about it?????  I think I may have to insist that my 2 office-mates are given a paid day off so they can recover from the horror.

And this my friends is yet another example of something you don’t say at the office.

It is a new year.

I know I am a few days behind with this.  Normally people acknowledge that it is a new year on New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day.  Me, I’m just a little behind.  I am mainly behind because I was not sure how to sum up 2011 or look ahead to 2012.  So many thoughts and emotions, disappointments and hopes. 

When I look back at 2011, I see the highs and lows.  Highs of course always seem to relate to kids.  Thankful that our oldest, Joshua is so happy with the life path that he is currently on.   Excited to see our oldest daughter Kirsten start college and adjust to her new surroundings and friends well.  Pleased and relieved to see our youngest daughter, Annika start high school with almost no drama.   Thrilled to see her at long last falling in with a group of friends that recognize the good in her and value her for all that she is.  Another high is also our marriage.  Sure we get annoyed with each other, but knowing that we can still make each other laugh, not just sometimes, but frequently, makes the annoyances go away.   Time spent with those friends we consider our ‘chosen family’.  All highs.

Then I sum up the lows and disappointments of 2011.  As we closed the book on 2011, we are still in our house.  Months of emotional debate about should we or shouldn’t we try to sell the house, putting the sign in the yard and then having no response…disappointing.  Hoping, scheming, planning for what will happen next, only to end the year in the same spot was disappointing.   Wishing that we could be in closer proximity to those that we connect with, those that we cherish and that cherish us.  Instead, we remain in the same spot, often with feelings of intense loneliness that make your chest hurt.  Working at and attending a church whose motto is ‘where love is lived’ , yet on most encounters walking away with feelings of anything but love.  I acknowledge that there are exceptions—a handful of people that you are able to genuinely and honestly engage with and that you value immensely.   Unfortunately, most weeks those encounters are increasingly outnumbered by the countless hours of discussion, meetings, and engagement with others that leave you stressed, frustrated , exasperated and hopeless.   Watching dear friends (who feel more like our parents than our own parents) be repeatedly hurt, misjudged, disrespected, scrutinized and de-valued because of their own admitted flaws and imperfections.   People who once greeted me with a smile and a kind word, now turning their backs, averting their eyes, but why?  I’m still me…I haven’t changed, so I conclude that it must be because our view of who our dear friends are, differs from their view.  Lows. Lows. Lows.

So we look ahead to what will happen in 2012.  The obvious.  Joshua will graduate from college, move out and get married.  All of this promises to be a ‘high’.  The girls will continue to learn and grow in who they are.  Highs.  We will once again put the house on the market, only this time with a lower price and pray HARDER that it sells so we can open up options, and a fresh financial start.  Decisions about when to put ourselves and our needs first,  even if that might mean disappointing others.  Decisions implemented regarding schooling, jobs, housing, travel, finances.  We hope all of these things lead to more highs than lows for 2012.

Happy New Year! 

It was a good Christmas!



One of Kirsten's 'arty' Christmas pics


Christmas 2011 is now officially over.  It was a good Christmas, but it felt different somehow.  It could be because of the weather.  It wasn't particularly cold, there was definitely NO snow, maybe that was it.  We didn't go to Seattle (sadly all my cousins are busy with their own families these days, but I SO miss the years when we would always be together on Christmas).  We had the Christmas Eve gathering with the Haans.  Not everyone was able to be there, so it was a smaller group, maybe that was it?  Maybe it was because I was hobbling around on my scooter, unable to stand on both feet??  I'm not sure, but it did feel different.  Not different bad, just different.

This year has been a tough one for us financially, so I was a little concerned that the kids might be disappointed with the smaller offerings left under the tree.  I shouldn't have worried.  They were all excited with what 'Santa' had left for them!   I'm slowly learning that the kids don't expect it, instead it is what we hope/expect to do for them that needs to be adjusted.  I find myself often falling into the trap of wanting to overcompensate with my own kids--again not something they expect AT ALL, just something I want to do.  I grew up in a household where you were always VERY keenly aware of the household financial issues.  I have vowed many, many times that my own kids would be aware that there was a finite amount of resources, but I never wanted them to feel the stress and strains of the financial crisis that I felt growing up.  Growing up in a household where you think you might be homeless at any moment is not good for instilling security.  I didn't want to do that to my own kids.

So while it felt different this year, it was still a very good Christmas.   The kids are happy, Dean and I are happy together, and we are all healthy (well relatively speaking--my body is a bit broken, but that is somewhat fixable).  Joshua is excited to be getting married next year, Kirsten loves college, Annika is enjoying her life.  Yup, not so bad.  Next year at this time, we will be doing who knows what and starting new traditions.  Maybe why that is why this year felt different.  It is the last year that it will be just the 5 of us.

Here are some pictures from our weekend.  Enjoy!


Joshua decided that even though we started opening gifts at 2:00 pm he would normally open gifts in his pjs, sooooo, he changed out of his clothes, and donned his new robe and pj pants for the rest of the day.





Yay!  My Harry Potter DVD collection is complete!



WHAH??? You mean Kirsten and  I got Josh a 'Goats in Trees' Calendar and Josh got ME a 'Goats in Trees' Calendar???



Dean and I almost went out and got Kirsten one...



Isn't she cute??





Merry Christmas!

We're going to have a wedding!

At the kick-off of this holiday season, we were given some news. Our oldest, Joshua and his girlfriend Evy told us that they had set a wedding date and were planning to get married September 1, 2012. I phrase it this way because when questioned by Nadya, (Evy’s delightful Russian mother who is a spitfire) if she could say that they were ‘engaged’ Josh replied ‘No’, he needed to propose yet. I know, I know, whah????

See, these two are a little unconventional in some (most) traditional realms and we love them for it. Josh informed us that he was not going to be purchasing Evy an engagement ring because: a) she said she didn’t want and/or need one b) it cost money they don’t really have and c) they know they are getting married, why do they need an engagement ring to show to everyone else–a wedding band should cover it right? So we proceed with the ‘engagement’, although I am informed today that he still needs to actually propose, he is working on that. He did inform me that he did speak to Nadya and acquired her permission for this whole proposal thing (again, should you have done that BEFORE you told her you had a date set to marry her daughter??). Anywhoooo, I am learning in yet another way that my oldest is far from conventional. Honestly, it makes me laugh. However, his lack of ‘proper’ order is stressing out his oldest younger sister who can’t quite figure out WHAT they are doing.

The wedding plans? Well, I am sure those will be unique as well. If it was one of our daughters, I would already have most of it figured out in my mind. Mainly because over the years, when the girls and I have discussed weddings, we have always talked about our likes/dislikes and what we would like to do/not to do at such time as they each get married. This one though??? I have NO idea how to proceed with this event. All I have to go on is that the ultimate desire of the bride and groom is a ‘picnic in the park’. I’ve heard ‘baked potatos’, I’ve heard ‘potluck’, but honestly it is much too early to have details at this point. I have told Joshua that I will try my hardest to not become a pain in his and Evy’s butts during this planning process. I will be supportive and I will keep my mouth shut. I have also asked him to tell me to shut up if I start to drive him nuts, but he needs to remember that when it comes to brainstorming ideas about large group events, my mind will always kick into a problem solving, logistics management mode.

Our future daughter-in-law Evy comes from a very large extended family. Her mom is one of 13 children, all of whom immigrated to the United States (via Israel) from Siberia in the early 1980s. From what I am told, they are a very large and very entertaining family who never goes anywhere without bringing food, lots and lots of food. I have heard the word ‘crazy’ used often when she and Josh describe her extended family and associated family encounters (always said with a smile on their faces). I will readily admit that I have already begun to refer to the upcoming nuptials as ‘my big fat Russian wedding’. I think my dear, Great Auntie Al may roll over in her grave before this amazing festival of nuptials passes! It makes me smile just when I think about it. My big city lawyer younger brother (who is absent from most family events) has even told me that he wants to be here (pray that his scheduled trial is postponed!). Now THAT will be a minor miracle!

As we anticipate gaining a new daughter (in-law), and our family merging with this larger contingent, we look forward to the richness that will be added to our family. We look forward to ‘my big fat Russian wedding’. Stay tuned!

Family Photos

After years of procrastination, this November, we FINALLY took the time to have some professional pictures taken of the fam.  The procrastination had to do with the fact that I was always hoping to lose that 20 30+ lbs before subjecting myself to the scrutiny of a camera lens.  At the beginning of November the subject of family photos came up again.  When I replied that I just wanted to lose some weight, Kirsten told me, 'Mom who are you trying to kid?'.  Point taken, game won, photographer arranged.

The wonderfully talented Jessica Kasparian spent a VERY cold morning with us and made us all feel very relaxed.  I think the pictures show that we actually enjoyed the process.  Enjoy...

I believe this one they were laughing because she asked Dean and I to hold hands and look at each other.  This CRACKED the kids up.

This picture is PERFECT! 

Evy and Joshua, or as we anticipate on September 1, 2012, "Mr. and Mrs. Joshua and Evy Haan"

My deepest apologies for being absent.

Maybe no one has noticed, but I haven't written in a long time.  I have a series of excuses, but I won't go into disgustingly boring detail.  My life has just been a little out of my control.  In anticipation of surgery last Wednesday, December 14, I was working like a wild woman to get caught up at both of my jobs as well as trying to get everything done and prepped for Christmas.  Having surgery in December seemed like an ok idea at the time I scheduled it, but the reality is not so great.  On the other hand, I honestly can't remember the last time I had EVERYTHING ready for Christmas by December 12 (my self-imposed deadline).  HOWEVER, it did make me a little nutso the last month.

The night before my surgery I worked at job #2 until 7 pm trying to finish up loose ends--cut checks, run reports, send emails, you know try to pre-empt those questions and requests that might come up.  It really was all for nothing.  My intention was that no one would 'bother' me for at least 2 weeks.  In fact, I had been quite clear that I was intending to be on pain meds and so asking me questions regarding bookkeeping matters was ill advised.  My REPEATED warnings didn't sink in.  Sad to report, the day AFTER surgery I started receiving texts regarding job #2.  Good grief.  I understand on the one hand, but seriously??? That was not to be outdone by the phone call I received yesterday informing me of yet more 'issues' that this person felt I needed ot take care of.  CAN EVERYONE PLEASE JUST MELLOW OUT AND LET ME HAVE A LITTLE TIME OFF???  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm more than willing to answer questions, but the bookkeeping 'stuff' I specifically asked to not be bothered about for 2 weeks.  That is all I asked, 2 weeks.

So, here I sit, 6 days post-op.  I honestly canNOT remember the last time I stayed inside my house for 6 days.  I don't think I have ever stayed in my house for this long...wait, maybe I have when I was on bedrest with Kirsten.  Ok, but that was 19 years ago, so does that really count??   I got through surgery last week, not without a few little 'issues'. 

First, I decided that I didn't want to have anyone sitting with me behind curtain #1 while I anticipated being drugged and cut and sawed.  Soooo, I told Dean to drop me off at admitting and come back when he heard they were finishing up.  He works down the street from the hospital so it isn't as cold as it sounds.  PLUS, he could log into the hospital's website and watch the surgery schedule board from his office and thus monitor the progress of my surgery.  So, he went in with me to sign in and then headed to work.  I sat and waited.

They checked me in, bagged and labeled my comfy yoga pants and hoodie in exchange for a lovely hospital gown, put the IV in and then pulled the curtain.  I dozed for the next hour, until at one point I woke up and realized the IV line was red, BRIGHT RED.  Hmmmmm, I don't think this is right. I pushed the nurse button.  Soon there was a bit of a buzz behind curtain #1 as they realized the IV line had come undone and my blood had been leaking out into what had become a rather large puddle on the floor.  BRILLIANT.  (Have I mentioned that the last surgery I had resulted in a second emergency surgery due to internal bleeding??  uh huh--that was another interesting stay in the hospital.)  So, we had a little delay getting into the OR that day.  At one point, I do remember waking and hearing sawing and deciding it was better to sleep.  After surgery, the Dr. told me that my foot was worse than he had anticipated.  OUTSTANDING!  Then I asked him if that meant I had a good reason to 'be bitching about the foot pain I had been having?'. This seemed to make everyone laugh and he told me that yes, I DEFINITELY had a reason to bitch.  Whew! I was worried that maybe my Grandpa SK genes had failed me in the "tough it up department", now I had confirmation from the surgeon that my foot had in fact been a mess that definitely required surgical intervention, thus my occasional bitching had been warranted. 

Then the good news.  Because the foot was worse than anticipated I was informed that I could put absolutely NO WEIGHT on my foot for the next several weeks.  Yippee!  This was going to add an entirely new dimension to my 'learning patience' exercise that I had been anticipating in the weeks leading up to surgery.  I had gotten pretty comfortable with the idea of walking in a boot bearing weight on my heel only and felt I could conquer that no problem.  This was something different.  This meant crutches, or HORRORS, a WALKER.

This thing comes with a warning that states: 
Do not use on stairs.

We returned home that night with a walker and crutches.  Let me be the first to say that trying to use either of these devices while balancing on one foot is not an easy task.  Add to that the fact that I have rheumatoid arthritis which has weakened my arms and elbows (oh and let's not forget that I had to go off my RA meds for weeks in anticipation of the surgery), and I was a very annoyed and frustrated patient after the first day.  Oh, and did I mention that the pain meds make me itch UNCONTROLLABLY from head to toe??  That's right, I had told the Dr. this and he told me to just take Benadryl with the pain meds--guess what? Benadryl didn't help. AT.ALL.  By the end of Day 1 Post-Op, I think Dean and the girls were ready to kill me and I was ready to at least severely mutilate anyone in my path I was so miserable.  On Day 2 PO I decided to skip the pain meds.  I will take the pain over the itching ANY.DARN.DAY.  Yesterday, I finally gave up on the crutches and Dean brought home, this wonderful piece of durable medical equipment called a 'knee scooter'.  I NEVER in my life thought I could be excited about such a thing, but the first spin around the bedroom, I was hooked, I will be able to move farther than the bathroom!  Yippee!!

So, here I am Day 6 PO and I am beginning to wonder how I will make it through the next several weeks without going completely nutso.  I guess I am slowly accepting how much I need to learn patience.  And guess what?  When this foot heals, I get to do it all over again.

Good times, good times.