I am me

My life is comprised of many things. I am a child of God first. I am also a wife and mother, daughter and sister, aunt and niece, cousin and friend, employee and co-worker. I am me. I am human. I have flaws. I fail, sometimes epically. I have strengths. My life is fluid–sometimes challenging, sometimes boring, sometimes exhausting, sometimes joyful, sometimes heartbreaking. While I often use the expression, ‘same shit different day’, I don’t think I really believe that. Certain elements are always the same, but the day to day always varies.

I LOVE to love others, to be part of their lives. To share their ups and downs, their joys and tears and fears. After growing up in a home where ugliness was hidden behind a perfect facade, for myself, I require brutally honest disclosure. If you want to know something about me, ask me. I have highs and sometimes very dark lows. I also have one of the strongest humor coping mechanisms ever developed!

I have difficulty putting myself and my needs ahead of someone else. I still think that is a good thing, but I’m learning that it isn’t a good thing when you have nothing left to give. I’m working on that. I sometimes trust my heart to the wrong person–someone told me to remember to ‘never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option’. While this can be taken as good self-preservation advice, I have a hard time subscribing to that idea. Aren’t most relationships always back and forth–one is strong, the other weak, or sometimes both are weak together or sometimes both are strong together? The black and white philosophy, the absolute ‘never’ is hard for me. Don’t relationships often operate in gray territory? I would hope that I would show grace to someone by making them my priority even when they are only able to make me their option. In turn, I would hope to always have people in my life that would recognize I was in need and forgive my flaws and failures and still love me in those times when I am not able to make them a priority but I still need them to make me their priority.

I’ve tried to teach my kids to always try to treat others how you would like to be treated, no matter how they are treating you. You will have fewer regrets in your life. It doesn’t mean you need to be a doormat. Sometimes, its hard to do, very hard to do. Sometimes you get slapped down. Then again, sometimes you end up discovering a wonderful relationship that you might have missed. Sometimes you teach someone something new about being a friend.