I did it again. The past six weeks I have tried really hard not to, but I caught myself again today. Doing what? Well I found myself in 'bat out of hell' mode.
Before crossing the bridge into semi-retirement-ville, I was in bat out of hell mode 24/7. It wasn't just because on average our family's weekly calendar is filled with doctor appointments, committee meetings, school, work, small group activities, youth group activities, and school events. That I could handle. It was the frantic anxiety associated with being on time to all these obligations that did it. The kind of circus act juggling routine that most Americans find themselves in. The stress that I would put on myself to go through this myriad of activities with my idea of perfection was killing me.
The other day I was driving to a doctor appointment in Bellingham. I had left in plenty of time and found that I was NOT driving 10-15 miles over the speed limit, but instead was motoring along at a mere 5 mph over the speed limit. I was sipping a latte' that I had managed to make BEFORE I left the house. I felt, CALM. It was a new feeling. I don't think I could remember the last time I had driven to an appointment in such a manner. I almost felt sleepy.
I pulled up to the 4-way stop and sat and looked at the other drivers. Every single one was a woman, looking harried, waiting inpatiently for their turn to cross thru. It struck me....THAT is what I have looked like for years. I made a pact with myself to never return to that fever pitch mode again.
Now today, I broke the pact. I will remind myself that it was just a slight slip. No harm, no foul. Next time I will just try not to get so many tasks done before I have to leave home. The laundry can wait and so can the litter box.
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