Realizations

Realization #1:  The last week+ has been the usual state of frantic life.  I hate it.  We had our vacation(s) then we have to return home and pick right back up.  I discovered that while on a normal basis I enjoy working my new job, it is a job that I cannot easily take time off of.  That kind of stinks.  I thought I would be able to kind of check out and it would be there when I got back.  NO such luck.  I ended up working just as many hours as I usual do, only this time it was in a more frantic pace.  Trying to cram those hours into an evening and Saturday morning and a few hours on Friday just made me feel like I was completely behind, and overwhelmed.  Next time I need some time off, I need to figure out a way to do it differently.  Realization #1:  So, apparenlty I have a job that allows me to take as much time off as I want, however, trying to actually take that time off is problematic.

Realization #2:  My two oldest children have experienced Europe and may decide that they are good with living far, far away.  Kirsten LOVED England.  It sounds like she was an amazing traveler.  Dean said she never really got flustered when they were lost and enjoyed all the sights and sounds that England had to offer.   She mastered the public transportation system and was off and running.   Josh has so far traipsed around Paris and now onto Florence, Italy.  He sent a postcard, but other than that, our interaction has been purely thru Facebook postings and seeing his posted pictures.  I am just thankful that Evy stayed here otherwise, he might not return.  Realization #2--two of my children are all grown up and able to experience the world on their own.

Realization #3:   Dean's Mom recently fell and broke her leg and ankle.  What started as a difficult break turned into a really difficult break when she had massive swelling and the swelling resulted in a very fragmented ankle.  Two surgeries later and she is headed to the health care center for what will probably be months of rehab.  The possibility that she may have a hard time returning home alone after this looms.  We anticipate a full recovery, but suddenly we were thrust into the 'what ifs'.  My mother on the other hand seemed to be finally gaining some confidence.  She is out and about, spending time with others and getting involved a little bit.  Then we had a little mix-up and she scheduled a somewhat routine intestinal hernia repair surgery on my annual girls' weekend.  Oops.  That weekend is my sanity and it is sacred...I don't change it, without the death of someone near and dear involved.   I didn't put it together until this morning and there was no way I could back out of my weekend (I leave Friday).  My first thought was 'oh F***!', then I thought it wouldn't be that big of deal.  Dean could get her there and he works a few blocks from the hospital. I was scheduled to fly home the evening of the day of surgery, so I could pick it up from there.  She wasn't so sure.  She just called me and told me that she decided to reschedule her surgery.  She didn't feel like she could do it unless I was in town and at the hospital.  So, Realization #3:  My children may be growing up, but our mothers are more dependant on us than ever.  We have officially entered 'that stage'.

Ah life...

Mini-Vacation

I'm listening to Annika snore (again), only this time it is the morning of our last day of official vacation.  We have had a great time.  It has been more entertaining that I thought it would be..showing Annika downtown Seattle for the first time has been a kick. 

She has been in Seattle many times.  After all it is probably my favorite city to spend a quick weekend at.  After all, it is where all my favorite extended family reside.  And after all, it is where Josh attends college (and where Kirsten will be attending college as well).  We have taken the kids to the waterfront, to Pike's Place Market, to the Seattle Art Museum, to Pioneer Square and many other sites, but Annika has never stayed DOWNTOWN Seattle. 



Downtown is a nostalgic place for me.  My first grown-up job was in the midst of the city, 6th and University.  Every morning I would drive from my apartment on West Queen Anne, to my co-worker's apartment on Lower Queen Anne and we would walk from there to our office.  My lunch hours were filled with time hoofing it around that downtown grid.  I loved to frequent Nordstrom and use my beloved credit card with the $300 limit.  You have to understand that I was 18 when I first started working downtown and my starting salary as a law firm receptionist was $850/month.  I shared a one-room apartment with a college friend and we paid the exorbitant rent of $325/month.  I LOVED that time.  I felt so 'adult'.  So to be able to spend a few days downtown showing Annika the center of the city has been a kick.

We splurged a bit.  After all the justification was that Josh is currently living it up in Paris and Dean and Kirsten are in London.  We booked a room at the Hyatt at Olive 8.  Luckily we scored a really nice room rate.  We had tried other hotels, but Annika needs to swim as part of her therapy, so our options were narrowed down a bit.  Upon our check-in, we were greeted with this beautiful lobby:

Annika was 'WOWED'.  First, she was shocked that you just pulled your car in, handed the keys to the valet and they went and parked for you.  She was a little unsure of this, especially when I told her that we wouldn't need the car for the next three days...WE.WERE.GOING.TO.WALK.EVERYWHERE.  Now, Annika is not big on walking, or hiking, or anything in between so she was a little worried.  Until that is we actually got out and started walking.  When she realized that everything we would need or want was within a few block radius, she LOVED.IT.

Then we checked into our room:

Now, our kids have stayed in many different hotels before, and I will readily admit I am a bit of a hotel snob when it comes to staying in hotels (although I have no problem staying in less than a 3 star when I travel outside the country), but this room made her gleeful.  Especially when she got to look out the window at the sights of the city.  When she found out we could order room service, she was hooked.

Then we went swimming:

Have you ever gone swimming in a saline pool??   Me neither, but I really liked it.  The first day we headed down, Annika got to experience something new, NAKED.PEOPLE.  No, no, don't get me wrong, people in the pool were fully suited up, it was in the accompanying bathroom (although I don't think that word sufficiently describes the beauty and amenities of this room).  See, the second floor of the hotel was the pool, spa, yoga room, fitness room and yes AMAZING bathrooms.  These bathrooms/locker rooms included a steam room, sauna, beautiful showers, and every luxurious amenity you could imagine.  Towels, body lotions and soaps, hair care products, hair brushes, even mouthwash.  Annika decided that she wanted to check out the steam room.

The steam room is a room with marble tiled steps that you can sit or lay on.  Eucalyptus infused steam is pumped into the room.  You leave that room luxuriant-feeling skin.  Annika opened the door and looked in.  She quickly backed out of the room when she saw that a lone female was laying on a step in all her naked glory.  She rejoined me pool side and began to giggle.  'That I could have gone a lifetime without seeing', she said.  She went on to describe her shock at a woman laying naked in a steam room.  She waited a while and decided she would head into the sauna. 

She returned in about 15 seconds, bursting with giggles.  'Uhm, those two older ladies that were out here swimming, they are in the sauna, NAKED.'  We decided to remain poolside for a while.  We watched the older gentleman swim, or his version of swimming.  The guy had laid out towels along the edge of the pool where he placed his newspaper.  Then, he got into the pool and walked over to where he had left his newspaper and proceeded to stand there and read.  I'm not sure if he had promised someone he would go into the pool and this was the best he could manage or??  He stood there for about half an hour and then got back out.  He walked over to his robe and proceeded to drop his swim trunks.  Poor Annika happened to look over at THE most inopportune moment and was blessed with viewing the full meal deal.  The man quickly put on his robe and left the pool deck.  Annika, however, is scarred for a while.

Yup, it has been an entertaining stay.

Strange Dreams

So Annika and I are on our little getaway Spring Break.  She is currently snoring away as she grabs a little cat nap.  Our sleep last night was interrupted.  Staying at an airport vicinity hotel always is like that.  We tried to go to sleep early.  Lights were out at 9 pm, but then the 4 of us got the giggles and laughed for a while.  Finally we were asleep until 3 am.  Then the first round of vacation started--Dean and Kirsten got up and I ran them to the airport at 4 am.  Back to the hotel where Annika and I watched 'Out of Africa' until about 5:30 am until we were able to go back to sleep.  Back up a few hours later and we started our day.  It has been a great one so far.

As I sit and listen to her snore, I am reminded of some of the strange dreams I have been having lately.  I am sometimes a rather vivid snoozer, but lately I have had some doozies.  I thought I would share just a couple.  Maybe one of you three that still read this can give me some psychological input on what they mean.

Dream #1:  I dreamed the other night that I was wearing a v-neck shirt.  Not unusual, I often do that.  We we traveling with an assorted cast of characters.  At one point, I was riding in a crowded van that stopped abruptly.  I was sent flying to the dash because I had no actual seat and instead was simply perched atop others.  I returned to my perch and we continued on.  Then we were walking down the street in a group.  Suddenly my brother-in-law from California was there.  He walked over to me and said simply 'uhm your boob is hanging out of your shirt'.  I looked down and sure enough my boob had popped out of my bra and out of the v-neck and was just flopping around there.  Everyone else seemed to be ignoring the incident, even Dean.  I.WAS.HORRIFIED!  I looked at my brother-in-law and I asked 'how long has it been that way????'.  'Oh about 1/2 an hour, I was just curious if you would notice.'. 

Dream #2:  I dreamed the other night that I was at the Dr.  They said that I should really have a picc IV line put in my hand.  I said no problem, I can do that and they agreed.  I spent what seemed like a half an hour trying to insert my own picc line.  I was SO proud of myself when I succeeded.  I forgot the dream until later that day when I was visiting my mother-in-law in the hospital and I saw the nurse flush her picc line out.  STRANGE.

Dream #3:  I was dreaming something nonsensical.  Thru-out the dream I kept hearing my cell phone ring.  The ring was the ring the kids set for Dean--the theme from Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail.  I never could find the phone.  Later I woke up and Dean was right with me and my phone was put away, so it definitely was not ringing in my sleep.

I hope tonight's dreams are more restful.  I also think I shouldn't wear a v-neck for a while.

Anticipation

Our house is going to be pretty busy this week.  It is the week before spring break and some of us are pretty excited about that.  The five of us aren't going to be all together this break, but we should each have a lot to share with each other when we all get back together.  I think the only one that is going to miss out is Kaja, the Reigning Queen Kitty.  She gets to stay home, alone.



my living room after the 'big dump'



Josh is finishing up his spring break.  He came home a couple of weeks ago.  I still am not used to the fact that we are at that stage where the kids have different breaks.  I guess that is what happens when you have 1 kid in college, 1 kid in high school and another in jr. high.  At least the girls' breaks are the same even though they are in different school districts.  Next year Josh and Kirsten will have the same since it has been (almost) officially decided that she will be at SPU with big bro.  Still trying to figure out how we will pay for 2 in college, but that is ok.  It wil work out.

So, yes I digress. Josh is finishing his break. As reported earlier he returned home and emptied all of of his material possessions on the living room floor. From there they have been moved upstairs to his room and bonus room. Slowly he has been sorting. Wednesday morning he leaves for 10+ weeks in Europe. I think after he leaves I will be packing up a little bit more for him--otherwise, I fear that everything may stay where it is at until he returns to college in September. I'm excited for him to go and study abroad, but a little anxious too. His world will change after he experiences life in different countries. It did after spending time on mission trips in Mexico, so I am sure this will be no different. I'm excited to see what happens next. For now, we have just a couple more days of hearing French podcasts streaming from his computer.




the corner of our dining room



French movies--the things left around our house





unpacking?  or packing?  I can't tell.



I KNOW he has a system, but I wonder what is clean and what is dirty??




apparently, the weight set is a towel rack.

The rest of us are preparing to start our spring break.  We decided to do things a little different this year.  At first, Kirsten had been anticipating going on a trip with the high school Spanish class students.  They are planning a week+ to Costa Rica.  Kirsten thought about going, but the cost became something that she was having a hard time justifying--after all we told her she would be footing 1/2 the bill.  Then, we were hoping to organize another group to go to Mexico for a service trip.  When that fell thru, we had nothing big on the calendar for this year.  Then I did our taxes.  We were able to score another good size return this year, so I convinced Dean that he and Kirsten needed to take some of that money and go on a Father/Daughter trip.  After all, the debt we have amassed was being whittled down, slowly...what was a few extra months? If we wait to have everything paid off and never do anything, the kids will be gone and out of the house and we will have missed the opportunities to make memories with them. 

Kirsten has worked so hard and accomplished a lot in her life to date.  She has often gotten shuffled to the side with all the time and energy that we put into Annika and her care and therapy.  I wanted to let her know that we appreciated what a great kid she was and I wanted her and her Dad to have some good quality time together.  They get along so well...they are such a pair those two.  So, we did some checking and came up with a good option.  We booked a trip for the two of them to go to England.  The beauty was it was going to cost LESS than it would have cost for her to go alone to Costa Rica!  We were stoked.  Even though we knew that the decision to do this trip is ours and ours alone, we felt a little guilty.  What would people think?  We know that this is less than the 4 of us driving to Disneyland, or flying to Hawaii or a whole host of things, but if people hear they are flying to London, what will they think?  On the one hand we know it doesn't really matter, but on the other hand it DOES matter.  So we decided we would keep it a little under wraps.  If someone point blank asked us 'where are you going for Spring Break?', we would GLADLY answer, but if no one asked, then we weren't going to offer up any info--after all if they wanted to know they would ask, right?  If they don't ask, they don't care.  It is not that we were trying to be deceptive, we just didn't want people to think we were bragging.   And trust me, there were several times when I told people that Dean and Kirsten were going to go away for break and people never asked me where to, so my theory of they would ask if they cared was affirmed.  Still that nagging 'what will people think?' keeps bugging me.  We know this trip financially is not making a big dent, and even if it did that is OUR business.  We meet all our financial obligations, we are paying down our mountain of medical-related debt, we just feel that we should enjoy a little life at the same time.

The last week a few people have asked what we are doing and we have answered.  The reactions have been varied.  I think the hardest reaction is when people make a strange comment...i.e., 'oh you going to participate in the London protests?'.  Uh huh, we got that one.  What I hoped for was a  "that sounds great, I am glad you are able to do that." or a: "Oh good, Kirsten and Dean will have a fun time...glad they could do that."  Nope we get 'what about those protests?', and I am left feeling VERY awkward and that I need to justify our decisions.  Why do I do that to myself?  

So we are eagerly anticipating the amazing time that Dean and Kirsten are sure to have.  Annika is also VERY excited to have Spring Break alone with me.  Since we have to take them to the airport, we decided that we would stay a few nights downtown Seattle and have a good time together shopping and relaxing.  The last time just she and I were alone out of town, we were in Salt Lake City bringing her home from that dreadful Uinta.  Annika has never stayed downtown Seattle, so she is pretty stoked to stay in the midst of the city in a high rise.  I'm looking forward to no cooking, no work, and time spent swimming, reading, watching movies and yes, a little shopping. 

So it will be a different year for us.  Separate vacations.  For us, it is the way it needs to be right now.  To do extensive travel is difficult for Annika.  For Dean and I to be aware from her for more than 2 nights is also not on the books this year.  That is ok, it is just the stage that we are in with her therapy.  But, we are trying to balance all the factors and still enable us to have some special, memory making times in the process.  The last thing we want to do be sitting around with the kids 20 years from now and have them relaying stories about how we didn't get to do that much together when they were growing up.  Or WORSE that they blame Annika that we had some missed opportunities.  We have lived thru some rather stressful times the last 5 years and we have tried to find some balance with that--sometimes we failed and sometimes we succeed.  We know that we have been blessed with what we have been able to experience with the kids--our mission trips to Mexico, our family vacations to Hawaii, Mexico, California, the East Coast and places more local.  We know it is less than some families and more than others.  I just hope that the kids will be able to look back and have good memories of our times together, even when those times that involved things that were rather difficult. 

Book Club Failure

I enjoy being in a book club, I just feel that I am a bit of a book club failure.  I have good intentions.  After we meet, I pick up the next month's book.  It sits on my nightstand.  For the first two weeks, I generally don't crack the cover.  Then I begin to panic.  I need to get that book done!  So the third week I pick up the book repeatedly, look at the cover, read the jacket flaps, flip thru a few pages, and then I make it half way thru the first chapter.  Then, I fall asleep.

Now I am down to the last week of the cycle and I.MUST.FINISH.BOOK.  I took the book along this weekend for our little 23rd anniversary getaway.  The word 'getaway' is a little deceiving, we checked into a fabulous hotel that is about 35 minutes from home.  We were too exausted to put any more thought into  planning for an anniversary weekend.  We had a gift certificate to said hotel (check) and when I checked in we received a complimentary upgrade to a gorgeous suite (check) and I had packed wine, cheese, crackers, veggies, rum and mixers.  (check, check, check, check).  I was all set to sit and read my book.

I made it past the first chapter and the second and the third.  In fact I have made it almost 3/4 of the way thru the book.  I was feeling pretty smug.  After all I have plenty of time to finish and I think I just might be able to attend this month's Book  Club guilt free.  I don't have to feign that I have read the entire thing...I am getting pretty good at reading portions from the beginning, middle and end of books during those months where I just can't seem to stay awake long enough to actually get thru the ENTIRE thing.  Yup, I was feeling P-R-E-T-T-Y!P-R-O-U-D!  I even decided that I could break from my reading to peruse a magazine.

My euphoria continued right up to the point where Dean picked up my book.

Dean:  'Book Club?'

Me:  'Yes'

Dean:  'Why does it say on the cover 'Young Reader's Condensed Version?'

Me:  'WHAAAATTTTTTT????'

Apparently the REAL book has 576 pages...my 'young reader's version' has only 250.  Shhhhhhhh, I'm not going to tell...

Last Week

I've been terrible about blogging.  I guess maybe we have been so strung out that I haven't had the energy in my down moments to write.  I have started many times, but my heart wasn't in it.  I'm going to try to get back in the groove.  Maybe I should promise myself to write something every day for the next 30.  Maybe I get too in my head with content ideas.  So here goes some randomness...our week last week:

Started Monday with my day off.  I like my day off, only this time I had to go to the Dr. for a long overdue appointment.  I love my Dr. (most of the time).  We banter back and forth.  I believe during this appointment he openly mocked me a few times and I told him to shut up at least 3 times.  My mother would be horrified!  shhhhh, don't tell her.  Usually it goes like this:  'I have (insert horrible symptom here), what do you think?'  Him:  'You are getting old'.  Me.:  'Shut up'. 

Me:  'I have gained weight without changing my diet and it is pissing me off'.  Him:  (laughter).  Me:  'Are you mocking me?'  Him:  (laughter) Me:  'Shut up'.

I really shouldn't do this though, because usually in these appointments there comes a moment where he has to inject cortisone into my feet.  This appointment wasn't any different.  Long needle stabbed into not one, but both feet.  If you have ever gotten a cortisone injection you know that it takes a while to get the syrupy substance shoved under your skin.  I still have the bruises where the injections were, but my feet do feel a lot better.

The appointment ended with more tests being ordered and a new prescription for high blood pressure meds. (DING!) 5 points!  Oh and the BEST part, I was told no caffeine for a few days until I took additional tests.  (DING!) 50 points!

Tuesday was somewhat uneventful.  Went to work at church.  Staff meeting day, so Scott was there.  Really the two of us shouldn't be allowed in a room together for very long.  We laugh way too much.  It is hard for people to get too serious around us too.  His wife stopped in, leaving the kids in the van.  She said good-bye.  Then Scott notices that their van was driving out of the parking lot, with their kids inside but Amy was still in the building.  Panic ensued for a few minutes until we realized it was a terrible practical joke and the prankster drove back into the parking lot with the children in tow.  We all feigned polite laughter, but were a little rattled for a while.  We had each had our cell phones at the ready to call 9-1-1 for fear that we had just seen a kidnapping.  stress inducer-(DING!) 5 points!  Dean had another meeting that night and returned home late.  Joy.

Wednesday was my day to go to the Bellingham office.  NOT my favorite thing to do.  I was trying to adjust to the new blood pressure meds which make me very tired...more tired than I was already feeling.  AWESOME (DING) 5 points!  I got home and Kirsten came in from softball practice carrying an ice pack on her face.  Dean and I were looking forward to our usual Wednesday evening at home alone, but it appeared that our plans were about to change.  Kirsten explained she had taken a ball to the face and now her face and nose were numb.  I called the Dr., wolfed down some dinner, and headed to the evening appointment.  $30 copay later, the Dr. told us we needed to schedule a CT scan first thing in the morning.  Oh no problem I thought....I am supposed to be at the medical testing center first thing in the AM for further heart tests.  Dean was thrilled when I told him that he was on for the CT scan in the morning.

Thursday morning Kirsten's face began to look a little more colorful but the swelling was keeping in check.  THANKFULLY Therapy Thursday with Annika had been cancelled due to Yoda being out of town for that week.  I headed into Bellingham to the testing center and Dean and Kirsten headed into imaging.  My 2 hour test took me 3 hours.  The balding nuclear medicine doc kept looking at me, looking at the computer screen, looking at me, then he turned his head to one side and made the exciting announcment:  well you show definite signs of heart disease.  !!!  100 Points! I was S-T-O-K-E-D.  I will review the scans more and let you know.  I emptied my bladder and left the building.  On the way home, I got a latte.  Why not, what did I have to lose?

Part way home I received a phone call from Kirsten's Dr.  The CT scan showed sinus/facial fractures.  (DING DING DING!!!)   200 Points!  I was told that an appointment with an ENT had already been scheduled, could I get her back to Bellingham by 2 pm?  Sure, I would love to drive home and turn around and drive back.   I called Dean and asked him to notify school.  I swung thru a drive-thru and bought another round of cholesterol --again feeling like what do I have to lose...I've been trying to be so good and where is it getting me???

I pick up Kirsten and trudge back to Bellingham to meet with the Doc.  He carefully examines her face, pushing here and pushing there.  Looking to see what matches up and what doesn't.  He leaves the room and returns with a copy of her CT scan.  The bad news...she had 2 fractures of her cheekbone which caused a pinched nerve in her face (thus the numbness) and then there was another fracture to her sinus cavity which was what was causing the jaw pain.  (DING DING DING!!!)  200 points!  The good news...the fractures were clean and would require no surgery, the nerve wasn't severed and so should regenerate 100%. AND she would have no restrictions other than eating soft foods for a few weeks, AND she could fly the following day to her scholarship interviews at Whitworth.  (DING DING DING!!!)  Erase 200 Points!  That evening we had a nice dinner with good friends.  (DING DING DING)!!!  Erase all points.

Friday was rather uneventful.  I worked until 1:30 and then took Kirsten to the airport and she flew to Spokane for a weekend scholarship application process at Whitworth.    I was so proud of her...it wasn't a huge deal, but she flew completely alone for the first time.  She negotiated ticket counters, security, changing planes/gates, etc., looking for my dear friend Lisa in Spokane who graciously picked Kirt up at the airport and dropped her at Whitworth.  Kirsten is very confident, but things like that can sometimes be a little intimidating for her.  When she got home on Sunday, I told her she had now experienced a new level of freedom...traveling alone without a chaperone.  She was pretty excited.

So while it was a red-letter week, in the end it was all good.  While I have another excuse to kick my butt into shape.  My family genetics are working against me in the heart health department, BUT I was told that I have nothing that can't be treated at this point with medication.  Now, I just have to get the blood pressure under control and continue to exercise and eat right.  Just shows what years of high stress and bad genetics will do...good grief 43 and already succumbing to heart disease?  No worries, my Mother in Law told me it was really no big deal.  hah!

oh, p.s....don't tell my mother I'm on high blood pressure meds...she isn't ready for that one yet!  shhhhhhhh

I can't believe she is 18!



Ok, so I am a couple of days late with this post.  Kirsten turned 18 last Friday (February 25) and while my intentions were good to sit down and post a Happy 18th Birthday Kirsten! post, I failed, miserably.  I won't list the legitimate excuses...my mom had surgery, I had work, I had to plan a birthday dinner for her and her friends, I had to go to a women's retreat, we had a couple of dr. appointments...nope, I won't give those up as an excuse.  I just knew that I wanted to sit down and go thru some pictures before I posted.

She had an awesome birthday week.  Extended family party, Josh home for a traditional, just the five of us  family dinner out (although I would have been fine if Evy and Marcus could have joined us), and then of course the actual day where she hosted her friends for a Mexican feast and then 5-pin bowling in Canada.  We were even able to pleasantly surprise her with her gifts--always a bonus! 

Now she is 18 and ready to take the next steps into adulthood.  Still trying to settle on a college, but that should be decided soon.  I told someone last week that she is truly a joy to parent and I meant every word, WITHOUT sarcasm.  Sure, we butt heads as every head-strong mother and daughter do, but she makes me smile and laugh every day.  I'm excited to see her head off to school this fall, but I know I will miss having her around.  I think her Dad will miss her more than me!  For me, one of the most special moments of her birthday was when she shared a card that she had received from a teacher.  This teacher had taken the time to write to her on her birthday telling her what a gift she was to him and how he enjoyed being able to teach her.  It made me feel so good that someone in that position recognized what an amazing and giving person she is.

I love this child, as I love all my children.  It feels good to know that she has reached legal adulthood and that she has turned out to be an amazing human being and young woman.

Happy Birthday Kirsten!



On a service project in Mexico.