We are in the process of hiring a new receptionist. You would think this would be a fairly easy task in light of my bare minimum requirements (must know all the letters of the alphabet, IN order, etc.). Yesterday we sat and went thru the first stack of applicants. Later, I had to take a step back and remind myself that each of these people was looking for work, they needed a job. Most may not have a job right now; looking for a job IS their job. It made me thankful I'm not in that boat right now.
In today’s world, there are several articles on the internet regarding what to do and not to do when applying for a job; countless suggestions on what to include in your cover letter and resume. Of course there is also a corresponding list of what NOT to include. I felt that I needed to add my own input on this topic. The following is my list of things to do and not do when applying for a job:
1. If your reply e-mail is not generic (i.e. jedoe@msn.com), please obtain a new e-mail address purely for job application purposes. If the reply e-mail listed is something like ‘pocaHOTass@hotmail.com’ or ‘catlover@msn.com’ or ‘bootylicious@yahoo.com’ or ‘hotbunny@gmail.com’ most likely, we will NOT be contacting you for an interview.
2. Do NOT use Courier 12 pt. font for your resume and cover letter. No one uses an IBM Selectric Typewriter anymore to type their resume and cover letter, so PLEASE use your imagination and pick a nice, professional-looking font.
3. By the same token as #2, do NOT use a cutesy font like Comic Sans, unless you are applying to work at a daycare and are trying to show your childlike side. Uhmmm, no, second thought, DON’T.
4. Don’t use exclamation points in your cover letter or forward e-mail. I don’t want to hear that you ‘saw our ad and are happy to apply!’ Or, that you have a ‘people-plus personality!’. Or, worse that you are ‘anxious to discuss this opportunity in person!!’. Right away, I feel like I am being stalked.
5. Please do not direct your application to ‘Humane Resources Department’, we already know our weaknesses and don’t need to have them pointed out to us.
6. When you respond to our Craig’s List ad, be careful that you know you are responding to us and not just replying to your friend who forwarded you the ad. Uhmmmm, not good to e-mail the potential employer saying: ‘I wonder which office it is? Well I suppose I will just tell them that I am having outpatient surgery in August and make it look like it is no big deal..LOL’. Uh-huh, that one went in the ‘NO’ pile.
7. Be specific with your previous work experience. This means not only including the dates you worked, but also the NAME of the business where you worked. Listing your previous work experience under generic headings such as ‘Office’, ‘Clothing Store’, ‘Restaurant’ isn’t going to do it. I’m going to worry that if you can’t tell us who you worked for, what else are you trying to hide??
8. If you own a small side business called ‘Little Orbits’, just omit that from the listed work experience. I’m not sure WHAT kind of business would be called that, but I’m thinking you might be a drug dealer or something.
9. Don’t be paranoid in your response to an ad. In other words, either apply and see what happens or don’t. I really don’t care; I have a job, you are the one seeking work. BUT, if you send me an e-mail asking me to: ‘please reply and provide additional information about this position to verity that this is a legitimate business and job opening before I send my resume and reference information’ chances are I am going to put your e-mail into the ‘No’ pile, I’m just kind of ornery that way.
10. Use complete, comprehensible sentences. Statements like: ‘I have displayed throughout my career’ make me scratch my head and wonder exactly WHAT did you display.
11. Don’t try to make me feel like you are doing me a favor by applying. Statements like ‘I am not applying for every position I come across’ don’t impress me. I read your resume, you are a karaoke host at a dive bar.
12. If we have advertised that it is a permanent, full-time position, it is a waste of time to apply and tell us that you are looking for a summer job.
I don’t think I’m being too difficult or am I? In closing I have to say that so far my favorite cover letter was the one that was a Top 10 List of reasons we should hire her. The best were item numbers 4-8: '4) not going to have a baby, 5) no impending marriage, 6) I have no personal or home issues, 7) I am literate, and 8) I’m an available person with no territorial issues.' Now THAT is funny.
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