I know I am a few days behind with this. Normally people acknowledge that it is a new year on New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day. Me, I’m just a little behind. I am mainly behind because I was not sure how to sum up 2011 or look ahead to 2012. So many thoughts and emotions, disappointments and hopes.
When I look back at 2011, I see the highs and lows. Highs of course always seem to relate to kids. Thankful that our oldest, Joshua is so happy with the life path that he is currently on. Excited to see our oldest daughter Kirsten start college and adjust to her new surroundings and friends well. Pleased and relieved to see our youngest daughter, Annika start high school with almost no drama. Thrilled to see her at long last falling in with a group of friends that recognize the good in her and value her for all that she is. Another high is also our marriage. Sure we get annoyed with each other, but knowing that we can still make each other laugh, not just sometimes, but frequently, makes the annoyances go away. Time spent with those friends we consider our ‘chosen family’. All highs.
Then I sum up the lows and disappointments of 2011. As we closed the book on 2011, we are still in our house. Months of emotional debate about should we or shouldn’t we try to sell the house, putting the sign in the yard and then having no response…disappointing. Hoping, scheming, planning for what will happen next, only to end the year in the same spot was disappointing. Wishing that we could be in closer proximity to those that we connect with, those that we cherish and that cherish us. Instead, we remain in the same spot, often with feelings of intense loneliness that make your chest hurt. Working at and attending a church whose motto is ‘where love is lived’ , yet on most encounters walking away with feelings of anything but love. I acknowledge that there are exceptions—a handful of people that you are able to genuinely and honestly engage with and that you value immensely. Unfortunately, most weeks those encounters are increasingly outnumbered by the countless hours of discussion, meetings, and engagement with others that leave you stressed, frustrated , exasperated and hopeless. Watching dear friends (who feel more like our parents than our own parents) be repeatedly hurt, misjudged, disrespected, scrutinized and de-valued because of their own admitted flaws and imperfections. People who once greeted me with a smile and a kind word, now turning their backs, averting their eyes, but why? I’m still me…I haven’t changed, so I conclude that it must be because our view of who our dear friends are, differs from their view. Lows. Lows. Lows.
So we look ahead to what will happen in 2012. The obvious. Joshua will graduate from college, move out and get married. All of this promises to be a ‘high’. The girls will continue to learn and grow in who they are. Highs. We will once again put the house on the market, only this time with a lower price and pray HARDER that it sells so we can open up options, and a fresh financial start. Decisions about when to put ourselves and our needs first, even if that might mean disappointing others. Decisions implemented regarding schooling, jobs, housing, travel, finances. We hope all of these things lead to more highs than lows for 2012.
Happy New Year!
