Pet Peeve alert

So anyone who knows me know that I love Facebook.  Or maybe it is more accurate to say that I am a frequent flyer when it comes to Facebook.  I check it (almost) every day, often a few times a day.  That being said, I have a pet peeve about Facebook.  I am sure I have been guilty of it as well, but I do work really hard to not do this.  What is the pet peeve??

My pet peeve is when people post things like:

Susie is:  having Dick and Jane and their kids over for dinner tonight. Can't wait to hang out and play games

Dick is:  excited that Susie and Bill invited Jane and I and the kids over for dinner

Lucy is:  looking forward to going to Charlie's birthday party tonight, it should be great

Linus is:  glad that he got to go to Charlie's birthday party last night, we all had a blast

Are you getting my pet peeve?  My pet peeve is when people post of specifics to events that not everyone is invited to.  I see these posts and I feel lonely.  I mean Sue and Bill have never asked us over for dinner and games. Charlie didn't invite us to his birthday party.  Linus and Lucy got to go, why didn't they ask me??

I realize I have probably been guilty of this as well.  I try to watch it, but I am sure I have messed up sometimes.  Maybe when I mess up it is because I want Susie, Dick, Lucy, Charlie and Linus to know that we don't sit at home ALL the time, sometimes people do invite us to do things.

That is it, that is all...my pet peeve of the day.  Good-bye.

The Weekend

Yay!  It is Monday!  I feel like we had a 3-day weekend, but we didn't.  Maybe it feels that way because so much happened.  Overall, when I weigh it out I would have to put it down as a good weekend.

Friday night we got to spend the evening with good friends.  We love these guys and it was nice to just have a few hours to hang, eat pizza, drink wine and talk.  Sadly we aren't able to do this enough.

Saturday Dean had to work his shift.  Can I write how much it annoys me that he has to work every 4th Saturday?  For a long time he didn't schedule himself, mainly because he was so burned out and there were plenty of people who wanted to work.  Then his boss told him that he HAD to work his turn of Saturdays.  Really??  Does it matter that much?  No one was complaining, his employees liked to get the time in because then they would often 'swap' it for other hours off during the week.  The system worked and frankly he is often extremely burned out by Friday nights.  He works a job where he has 14 people demanding his attention constantly. Seriously, every time he even attempts to close his office door, PEOPLE FREAK OUT.  They start collecting outside his glass door staring in at him as if he was a caged animal at the zoo.  While it may sound like I am exaggerating, I assure you I am not.  By the time he gets to the weekend, he needs to be able to check out of there. 

Not so this weekend.  On Friday he was given instruction to 'let go' an employee.  He was dreading this, but he knew there were sound reasons for all of this and he agreed it was well past time.  The employee had repeatedly told him that they did not want to do what he needed them to do in their daily job.  PERIOD.  So he let them go on Saturday and proverbial hell broke lose.  This employee called everyone and anyone that worked there and complained, cried, rampaged.  The BEST part of all of it was they called one of Dean's bosses, who promptly penned an e-mail to Dean questioning how he handled it.  GOOD.FRIGGIN.GRIEF.  Poor Dean.  He spent the rest of the weekend second guessing himself and feeling like he had to justify himself to someone who wasn't even there, someone who was taking the word of a disgruntled former employee (giving them an audience) over Dean's.  This is an issue that drives me nuts.  Dean is dedicated to that company as if it was his own.  He is VERY good at handling HR matters.  He understands well what you say and don't say to an employee when you have to let them go.  I also know that he had spoken repeatedly over the years with this employee about attitude, work ethic, responsibilities, etc.  MANY, MANY, MANY times.  This boss wasn't even there...how can he give an audience to a known troublemaker former employee and not stand up for Dean??  How does he come back and question how Dean handled it when he wasn't there.  Later the boss e-mailed back saying he wasn't questioning him, but the damage was done.  I read the e-mails, he WAS questioning Dean and inferring that Dean had handle it incorrectly. 

After that morning, we went to a wedding.  The young couple are very sweet and young and in love.  They were blessed to have many people there with them to share their day.  We were reminded that innocence still exists in this world.  Afterwards I had an allergy attack, so we had to leave the reception early.  That evening I spent with the kids watching 'Say Yes to the Dress'.  HILLARIOUS and disgusting at the same time.  After witnessing the wedding we had earlier in the day, I was blown away by these women that spend THOUSANDS of dollars on wedding dressses.  To hear a father tell the consultant 'oh don't worry about price tag, I will cover it all'...and then subsequently the bride choose a $12k dress...whoa.  No wonder developing nations hate us.

Later that night we ended up in the middle of more drama.  I honestly wish I could write about it, but I fear of the backlash.  Suffice it to say that Dean and I are in a very unique position in how we view certain mental health issues and the different 'what to do in case of [blank]' scenarios.  We have the experience of 7 years of therapy dealing with a child that has severe panic/anxiety disorder.  We have been coached over the years about how you do and do not handle situations.  We have sat thru more sessions about maintaining personal health and boundaries in difficult situations.  So when this situation came up on Saturday, we felt confident that we knew how it should be handled.  Proudly we stuck by our guns, but we faced anger and resentment in the process.  We know there will be more to come.  At the end of the day, we were faced with the realization that a relationship we had hoped to have and nurture and build is not possible.  You can only have an open honest and sharing relationship with individuals who are interested.  Sadly, we realized that those that we hoped to have open honesty with are either: a) not interested or b) not capable of having that.  It was again made very clear to us that some will choose to lie and cover up and deceive.  It was at the same time devastating and liberating.   Today is Monday, a new day and so we go forward.

Yesterday was a relaxing day.  We were privileged to have the opportunity to celebrate the 1 year anniversary of a new church.  You can check out http://www.thetablebellingham.org/.  Until a month ago we have been blessed to be on the leadership team for The Table.  We have enjoyed building a foundation of a new church with some other pretty amazing people.  We continue to pray that God will lead and provide clear direction for Aaron and Kate and the other leaders as they chart out the next steps for the Table.  The rest of Sunday was relaxing.  We were able to spend the evening at home (we opted to skip Bethel's--our other church--evening service).  Dean and I were actually able to sit down and have both dinner and play a game with Annika.  Whew...something new in our therapy routine for Annika is that we have to sit down 3 nights a week for a 2-3 hour block with Annika--dinner, game, movie, other activity?.  We readily admit that this direction is one we are struggling with.  Our current schedules have not allowed this and we are trying to figure out how we will be able to fulfill this obligation, but LAST NIGHT WE DID IT.  That is one night down 2 nights to go.

So, it is Monday and I am exhausted.  I can't tell yet if it is a good exhausted or a crawl in the bed and pull the covers over your head exhausted.  I wonder what this week will bring.

Downsize Step 2: Utility Room

Another room that I perused thru was our utility room. I have always thought it was a somewhat small utility room until yesterday. Yesterday, my favorite realtor of all time came thru the house. He stopped in our utility room, looked around and announced ‘this is a big utility room’. He was right.

It isn’t a big utility room by old farmhouse standards, but by the standards of newer homes where often there isn’t a utility room, but instead a utility closet, it is good sized. So as I stepped into that room and I REALLY looked around, I was met with yet another room that needs my purging attention.

The things I cannot (or at least I think I cannot) do without: the washer and dryer. The thought of not having my own washer and dryer can almost make me feel as though hives are ready to pop on the surface of my skin. I have this dark, deep fear that if I don’t have immediate access to a washer and dryer laundry will pile up to the point that I will never get it done. I realize this is completely irrational, especially since I make my children do their own laundry. That’s right, I am only responsible for keeping up with the mountains of dirty laundry that Dean and I produce. However, the idea of not having a washer and dryer available to me 24 hours/day/7 days a week makes me itch, and squirm and hyperventilate. So, easily available access to a washer and dryer are on my definite ‘need’ list.

Next, laundry baskets. I have this really cool thing in our laundry room, one of my many IKEA finds. It is a tall metal framework that accommodates 5 large plastic laundry bins. That is right, one for each of us. This is a HUGE lifesaver for me. Of course Kirsten’s bin is generally overloaded and in her room waiting to be unloaded, but you get the idea. Everyone has their own. If I find an item belonging to one of the kids (this includes Dean) laying around the house, it goes in their basket and from there they retrieve it. Again, I feel that this is an item that goes on the ‘need’ list.

Now comes the tough part, the cupboards above the washer and dryer. There is a shelf stacked with beach towels–easily accessible to grab on the way out swimming. First, only one member of our household goes swimming on a regular basis. Second, how many towels do you really need to have for this purpose? I think we have about 10 towels shoved on that shelf. Hmmmmmmm. How many do I really need?

I opened the cupboard doors. Eek! Cleaning supplies. There was one shelf devoted to supplies, do I ‘need’ all of them? Can I get by with just the Sprayway and Comet and a couple of sponges? Can I part with the stainless cleaner, the brass polish, the wood polish, and the Swiffer dry and wet clothes that are all used on occasion? Granted, it isn’t nearly the extensive cleaning supply inventory that my mother has in her home, but it does take up an entire shelf. This is going to be harder than I thought.

Other items in the cabinets include: dozens and dozens of canning jars, lids and rings. Honestly I think I can probably ditch a lot of these. Let’s be real, I haven’t done any canning in years. But if I have more time would I? I also find more ‘party’ items–remember I like to have what I need for any type of entertaining. This cupboard spews forth several of these items. A bag full of floating candles. A bag full of votive candles. Two boxes of clear votive candle holders–different sizes (I use these not just for decorating tables with candles. One time I catered a rehearsal dinner with an Italian theme, I filled the large ones with parmesan/romano cheese blend the small ones with red pepper flakes. They were perfect! Maybe I can fit those into my other ‘party supply’ boxes? which I am beginning to think might make it into the ‘need’ column.)

Flashlights, batteries of all sizes, bucket of extension cords, suntan lotions, bug sprays, boxes of different sized garbage bags, bottles of countertop sealer, ace elastic bandages (oh and a sling!), and several other items. Each is significant, but are all worth keeping? Picnic baskets, serving baskets of different sizes, cupcake holder/stand (you know the kind that you can put 2 dozen cupcakes on–another ‘party’ serving item), large stainless mixing bowls. These are just some of the items that grace the cupboards of my utility room. That isn’t even getting into the coats, shoes, hats, mittens and gloves that are hanging in the area under the stairs. How am I ever going to decide what makes the ‘need’ list and what makes the purge list?

Again, this is going to be harder than I thought.  After all, I may end up with a mere utility closet or what happens if I end up in a place where the washer and dryer are down the hall??  I'm not freaking out, I just am making myself aware that I need to be ready for real change.  That's ok, I think I am up for it.

Downsize Step 1: Kitchen

I got home from work today and I had a mini fit. Not a huge fit, just a mini fit (the kind that only I realize I am having). The reason for the fit? I started looking around the house and was annoyed by the mountains of ‘stuff’ that we have accumulated. It is not that our house is cluttered or jam packed. It is not that our closets are overflowing (although the one at the top of the stairs, does need my attention). It is just that our house is not in a state that we could easily pack everything into 20' truck and move across town in one trip. I understand that there are 5 of us, but the amount of things we have is exasperating to me.

Four years ago we went thru this exact same thing. We sold our home of many years and moved into half the square footage. It was liberating. At the time we shed ourselves of many, many things. I remember wanting to purge even more, but the rest of my family members could only go so far. While we definitely have a lot less than we did then, we still have more than I care to keep, maintain, and frankly dust.

Room by room I walked. I looked in closets, corners, cupboards and crannies. I was hard pressed to open a single drawer that didn’t contain something. So how do you decide what you keep and what you get rid of?

The kitchen. This is a tough one. When I have the time, I like to cook. When I cook I like to have the proper tools. Nothing drives me nuts more than wanting to re-create a tasty dish and I find that I don’t have the proper tools. This includes spices. I have an entire cupboard that is packed with spices and other basic ingredients for whipping up a variety of things. Yes, I honestly do feel the need to maintain 3 types of salt in my cupboard: the standard iodized, sea and kosher. I have used each of them the last 2 weeks. I also like to have several kinds of pepper: black, colored peppercorns for grinding, red pepper flakes, ground red pepper, and ground white pepper. The ingredients in my ‘spice cupboard’ go on and on. Not that long ago I weeded thru that cupboard, I don’t think I can weed it down anymore. BUT, what if we sell our house and I have to move into a place with a kitchen that won’t allow me to have a dedicated 4 shelf high spice cupboard? How do I decide what I keep?

The rest of the cupboards and drawers are filled with dishes, glassware, serveware, pots, pans, knives, strainers, measuring cups, pantry ingredients and of course specialized items like my lime press. Can I get hard core with myself and part with my glass punch bowl, or my 30 cup coffee pot? What about my boxes of 'party' items--those boxes that have extra wine glasses, tablecloths, and specialized serving dishes.  What about the stack of plastic serving trays or my Kitchen Aid stand mixer or my food processor? What about the panini grill? I just used that one last night for dinner.

I reflect back to the times that we have traveled in Mexico and stayed in host homes. I am always amazed (and embarrassed) to compare our lifestyle to the lifestyle of those families. We are SO excessive in comparison. The kitchens in those homes are very modest. Usually there is a small cooktop and refrigerator and maybe a length of counter. There are no cupboards but generally open shelves which contain a few basic skillets and a pot or two. An oven is a luxury (I think we have stayed in one home with an oven). There are a handful of basic plastic dishes, cups and cutlery that are all washed immediately after a meal and put back away. That being said, we have eaten some of the most amazing meals created in those simple kitchens. So why am I having a hard time deciding what the bare bones kitchen would look like for me?

I will cover the other rooms later.



The Inferior Mother

Lately I have been questioning my parenting style. Maybe ‘questioning’ is not the proper term. I’m not sure what the proper term is. It might be more accurate to say that I have been ‘comparing’ my parenting style to others. I live in small community where a lot of the mothers are able to stay at home full time with their children; or at least they are at home full time until their kids are all school age. Then one by one a lot of Moms return to the work force, but not all of them.

A majority of the moms I know who hold jobs outside of their homes work part-time. The exception are those that are teachers or those whose kids are all in high school or beyond. Many of the moms that are able to be at home full time, volunteer, some of them A LOT. I am always appreciative of those Moms who put in their volunteer time, please know that it does NOT go overlooked by me. During my tenure as a ‘mom’, I have held all sorts of work schedules. I’ve worked full-time to no-time to everything in between. The only time periods when I haven’t worked at all have been surrounding the pregnancy and subsequent births of my kids, or time off for surgery and recoup. This is how it works for us and I’ve been ok with that. But, I have a problem with insecurity when it comes to those moms who have been able to stay at home full-time. They make me feel inferior.

I know that I am a good Mom, but I also know that I am not a candidate for ‘mom of the year’, or ‘super mom’. I sometimes ignore my children when they speak to me. I occasionally get annoyed when they ask me for things (especially when I have just returned from the grocery store). I forget the details of their schedules that they have repeated to me who knows how many times. I do not volunteer to be in their classroom, drive the school bus or van, or organize a class gift for the teacher and/or coach. I do not host the end of year party, the end of season party or anything in between, although kids are in and out of my home with frequency. I have served on ‘playground duty’ maybe once when my middle child was in first grade. I don’t like to bake for bake sales (although contrary to other community moms’ beliefs I am an excellent cook–I just don’t like to take the time to bake). Bottom line, I don’t like to volunteer for [insert task at school here]. However, if called upon I will clear my schedule and fit these things into my schedule if required, but I RARELY ever volunteer for such tasks.

In spite of all of these things that I do not do, I know that I am a good Mom. I am a ferocious advocate for my kids–but I also know when to back off, hold my tongue, and let my child chose to advocate for themselves. I gave/give my children room to participate in activities with me not being there. More often than not, I sat out on class field trips and/or class trips. That being said, I don’t think I ever missed an event that my child asked me to attend. If I did it was because of dire illness or hospitalization of myself or another immediate family member. I have no problem saying ‘no’ to my kids when necessary. I also like to surprise them with little things and the unexpected ‘yes’ to those questions that they know are a longshot, but which they get up the courage to ask anyway. I love my kids and I know that they love me. I love the individuals that they are, each of them not afraid to speak their minds, yet cognizant of others right to have an opinion contrary to their own.

So why do I feel inferior to those other moms that do all of the things that I do not do? Why do I feel like I am inadequate in my role as mother because I am not organizing family game night?

My mom was a full time stay at home Mom. My father forbid her to work. Financially we needed her to work, but he put his foot down and seriously forbid her to work outside the home. Instead, she was at home and miserable. She also never volunteered for the myriad of things that I have listed. Instead, she filled her hours with obsessively cleaning, organizing, labeling and manicuring anything and everything that was in her sights. To this day I cannot convince her that her worth is not measured by how well she keeps the flowerbeds that surround her rented apartment. I’m guessing that she felt inferior to other moms as well, only my guess is she felt inferior to those moms that DID work outside the home.

So the inferiority continues from generation to generation. I hope that line stops with me.

P.S.  The Disclaimer:  I am in no way trying to critique moms who have chosen a different path than me. Rather, expressing how I often feel inferior to moms who have been able to spend more time directly involved in their kids' lives. I often feel that I don't 'measure up' to them. One such example that made me shrink was a few weeks ago when I was invited to an event where everyone was to bake a pan of bars to share--then bring the recipe to share to boot. Being a day where I was at work for most of it, I opted to make a pan from a box mix and in my quirky humor fashioned a recipe card out of the box label. Upon arriving, one of the moms (who has always enjoyed being at home full time and who is an excellent baker and dessert maker) commented 'I wondered how you were going to handle this one because I know you don't cook'. Now while I knew my reasons for using the box mix, and while I knew that I can in fact whip up amazing meals without recipes, I still felt inferior. Nevermind that my daughter thought my whole idea was hysterical and brilliant. In other words, it was NOT the other mom's fault, it was my own and THAT frustrates me.

It shouldn't be this difficult.

I just left the high school. I have been trying to schedule Annika’s 9th grade year. The process shouldn’t be that difficult. I think I may have bit thru my tongue. Pretty sure it is at least bleeding. I wish someone could explain to me how a principal of a high school doesn’t understand that some kids have struggles with learning and so the district needs to be a little more flexible with these kids AND that if a parent makes a suggestion about what would work best for their child to succeed it should be heeded.

It shouldn’t be this difficult. Lynden public schools has a pretty easy system. You have 2 semesters, and 4 classes per semester. In March, when we registered Annika for this fall, we put in some very specific requests for Annika. These requests were based on specific, well thought out recommendations by our shrink for how to best handle Annika’s schedule. So, in March, we filled out our paperwork, we submitted it along with our note explaining why we were requesting the order of classes. I also had an email exchange with the head of Special Ed outlining what we had submitted. No problem he said, we will get back to you. I didn’t hear a thing until I e-mailed last week asking where we were at in her schedule.

It shouldn’t be this difficult. This is what we asked for:

First Semester: Math, Guitar, English, Digital Communications (guitar is the only elective)

Second Semester: World Geography, Science, Study Skills, Art (art is the only elective)

This is what we got:

First Semester: Nutrition, English, Guitar, Science

Second Semester: Math, Digital Communications, Geography, Study Skills

Now on the surface it doesn’t seem like too many changes right? Here is the problem, Annika will not have Math for 7 MONTHS. This FREAKS.ME.OUT.

Math is Annika’s trigger point. Math is the class that Annika tests well below her grade level. Math is the reason why Annika has an I.E.P. (Individualized Education Plan). Annika qualifies for services based on her current “disability” in Math. When Annika was younger, and her anxiety was peaked, she missed out on learning A.LOT. Math is the biggest one of those things she missed. During 8th grade she made a lot of ground in Math. Now I fear that she will lose all of that. The principal I met with was less than helpful. He just stared at me blankly. I asked him for help in figuring out ways that we can get her math services during first semester. No response. Finally after stating for the third time ‘I need your help to help us figure out how to keep her successful in her learning’, he responded that maybe there was some sort of Math curriculum on CD that he could get for us. GOOD.FRIGGIN.GRIEF.

I find it hard to believe that I am the only parent that has this concern about a child with learning issues in a particular subject. If you have a student that qualifies for services in Math or English, is it wise for that child to go without that class for half of their school year? I know that there are several proponents for year round education based on the logic that large breaks from school make even the average students forget what they have learned. Apparently I am the only one that has heard that–because today the principal kept looking at me going ‘well this works for 850 students, I don’t think it is wrong’. No, you ding-bat I didn’t say it was wrong, what I said is that I know it won’t work for MY child and I am sure there are OTHER children that it doesn’t work for either so WHAT ARE THE OPTIONS?

It shouldn’t be this difficult. Should it??

Family Vacation

I'm getting annoyed.  We have been trying to line up a summer family vacation since January.  Finally in May we decided we better get something on the books or the entire summer would pass (like last summer) and we will have had no time away as a family.  We aren't trying to plan much, just a few days away at a house on the water in Poulsbo.  It shouldn't be that difficult to get 5 people (possibly 6, we would like Josh's gf Evy along too) out of town for 5 nights.  Sure we have to drive a couple of hours and take a ferry to our destination, but that shouldn't be THAT difficult, should it?

The summer calendar is full of important things like work, classes, weddings, appointments, meetings, fair week (to some of us that is important).  The older everyone gets the less free blocks of time there are.  So you prioritize and we booked the vacation for mid-July.

This weekend we debated the dates again and some of us decided that maybe the dates should be switched.  Arrggghhhhhh, so I e-mailed the owner of the rental house and she graciously said we could change the dates.  While it was a majority decision to change the dates it was not a unanimous decision.  I know I will hear some grief about the changed dates.  Why is it SO difficult for us to block ourselves out of all obligations for 5 days? 

I think Annika's shrink was right, there are 'committed' people and 'non-committed' people.  We joked with her that we should be committed.  She said that for people (like us) that make commitments and stick with them life can be very stressful and involve burn-out most of the time.  I like that we make commitments and are dependable and reliable.  BUT, sometimes I wish we could be the type of people that don't make commitments--you know the ones I mean.  The ones that when you ask them 'would you be able to [insert item here]', the response usually goes something like:  'well sure if we are around, we aren't sure what we are doing yet'.   This kind of response always makes me crazy--maybe it makes me crazy because I am jealous.  I don't think I could EVER do that and maybe secretly I wish I could??  No, we are the type of people that if someone asks us if we are available we answer definitively.  No wiggle room.   I've even gone so far as to say (on too many occasions to count):  'you let me know when and I will make it work'.  I think it may be time for us to start consciously building in wiggle room, but it goes against the grain for me.

WE.ARE.GOING. on vacation for 5 days at the end of the summer--for better or for worse.  I'm already stressing about how I'm going to get my job covered.  *sigh*

For Sale: 1 home and lots of "stuff"

Well we did it. After the culmination of months of discussion we put the For Sale sign in the front yard. That’s right, it is official (or at least Craig’s-List-For-Sale-By-Owner-sign-out-front- house-for-sale-web-page official). Of course the questions have started. That is fine, it is all part of it, I would be the same way. A sampling of questions:

1. ‘Why? Curious. Wish we could buy it.’

2. ‘Did someone pull a prank on you an put the sign in your yard?’

3. ‘Are you moving out of the area?’

4. ‘Why would you want to sell your house?’

5. ‘Where are you going?’

So it begins. The main reason we are selling, M-O-N-E-Y. There I said it. That thing that Dutch people don’t like to talk about. I suppose to say that so succinctly doesn’t really explain it in enough detail to satisfy all questions. Bottom line, income has gone down and expenses continue to go up. While some of the choices for the income going down have been our own (namely me giving up my big law firm paycheck to maintain my sanity and hopefully restore my health), some reasons for income going down have been out of our control. The expenses going up? Again some reasons we take full responsibility for, others completely out of our control.

‘It is just a house’. I find that I have repeated this phrase to several during the last few days. I honestly mean it. While this ‘house’ is currently our ‘home’ I know that we can make a home anywhere, even if that ends up meaning our next home is half this size again. I’m ok with giving up my custom-designed and built home. It was a fun project (although honestly some of the fun of building was taken away as it was during a very difficult time of our lives), but I am finished with it now and ready to see where I can create a home next.

My difficulty with all of this is going to be the part where I need to be still, and P-A-T-I-E-N-T for God to reveal the where, when and how we are going to move from this house. I have this problem with making decisions. No, it is not that I can’t make decisions, I can with no problem. I can also make them and not waiver and go back on them. No, my problem is that once I make them I want the decisions carried out and plans implemented immediately. So while I made the decision in my head many, many months ago that as soon as Kirsten graduated we would put the house up for sale, others in my household have taken a little more time to get on board. So while the sign just went up yesterday, I am already planning the king of all garage sales where we sell EVERYTHING. Ok, maybe not everything, I want to keep my Grandma Johnson’s and my Auntie Al’s china that I inherited. Everything else can really go. Oh and ok, with the exception of my sewing room contents...I really love that Viking embroidery machine I have and those stacks and stacks of fabric that I have projects planned for–those I really would like to keep.

Which brings me to the next thing I am going to have to process with the other members of my household: what to keep and what to get rid of. I believe that is going to be enough material for SEVERAL blog entries.

Stay tuned....

Graduation

Well it is done.  Kirsten successfully graduated from high school.  The parties are done, the presents are opened, the leftover party food is packed away.  We survived.  Exhausted, but alive!  While we had no doubt that she would graduate, with honors, we are proud of her accomplishments.  Kirsten graduated second in her class--she received this neat little plaque naming her as 'Salutatorian'.  I keep having to check the spelling on that word.  I know that she didn't have a huge class (93 graduated), so I know her odds were good, but she worked hard and we are proud of her.  The Valedictorian, Kendra (aka Kendy) is a girl she has known since birth, the youngest daughter of good friends.  We figured that the difference between the girls' cumulative GPAs can be broken down to Kendy doing Concert Choir (which gives you some extra GPA points) and Kirsten failing to achieve an 'A' out of Mr. DeHoog's Freshman PE class (that is subject matter for another blog entry all on its own).  In other words, they both worked really hard to achieve their high honors. 

We are proud of her.  But it isn't for reasons like the salutatorian award or the list of scholarships awarded.  No, the real reason we are proud has to do more with what people have shared about her to us.  During the past few weeks we have heard from many different people about how they feel about Kirsten.  Staff, administration, teachers, parents of friends, classmates.  Adjectives such as 'kind' and 'caring' and 'responsible'.  Phrases like: 'her smile just lights everything up'; 'I know I can count on her to always get it done'; 'she is such a nice, nice girl'; 'Her servant heart is apparent'; 'She has a heart for mission'.   Those are the things that make us the most proud; knowing that she is living her life mindful of others, caring for others and being kind to others.  We teased with someone that it was 'good parenting' but the reality is that it is ALL her and how God works thru her.  We tried to show her the way, but she is the one who made the choice on how she wanted to live and react and think about and with those she comes into contact with. 

I know this may seem a little braggy.  I am mindful that it may come across that I think my child is perfect...nope, she has her faults and failures just like the rest of us.  But for the past week, we have been operating in an 'it-is-all-about-Kirsten' mode and it is ok sometimes to brag it up a bit.



Annika, Kirsen and Joshua...her siblings were pretty proud of her too!



Happy Graduation Kirsten!  Can't wait to see what happens next!

Speaking of Invites...

So I had an interesting question posed to me today.  I was having a discussion with someone that I consider to be a friend.  We had invited them to Kirsten's graduation party because: a) we enjoy them, b) we wanted to celebrate Kirsten's graduation with people that we enjoy spending time with and c) if it was their child graduating I would hope that they would include us in their celebration because we would like to share special moments with them as well.  We have had these people in our home socially, we speak with them regularly, we attend church with them.  We LIKE them and we wanted to share a happy moment with them.  But today, I was hurt when they said to me: 

"I don't get this graduation party thing--I don't want to offend, but I am curious as to why we were included...I understand why we were invited to [Name]'s party because we DO things with them, but we don't really know Kirsten"  (slight paraphrasing because my mind is shot, emphasis added).

Sadly, after our conversation, I was again reminded that there are people in this world that view invites as an obligation to give something and it makes them uncomfortable.  That was NEVER my intention with any of our invitees.  Honestly we wanted to invite people into our home to join us in celebrating the beginning of Kirsten's adulthood.  We wanted to share something fun with others.

Now I know that I just wrote about why on earth we received invite to someone else's grad party.  I believe I posed query because the party that invited us had previously deemed us people who would abuse their child, so why on earth would they want us at their home?  The invitors were also people that we NEVER SPEAK TO.  This is far from the case with those that we invited to our home.   I am not so dense that I don't realize that the recipient of my invite obviously had the same questions I did--'WHY ARE THEY INVITING US?'.

I tried to make light of it, because I was suddenly filled with emotion and hurt.  I tried to joke with my invitee that we have had a lot of people distance themselves from us the last few years and that since they were people that still talk to us, we wanted to invite them.  Dean and I believe the distance with many is because of our lives becoming a little too messy for some people's comfort zones--we know most people aren't real comfortable around acute mental illness situations.  We also are aware that people maybe stopped calling us because the incredible stress, financial strain and chaos that is our lives the past few years doesn't always make us the most fun people to hang out with, HOWEVER that doesn't mean that we don't yearn for socializing with others.  That doesn't mean that we don't mourn those lost social invites and friendships.

I still don't think my invitee really understood what I was trying to say.  I finally told them that they were under no obligation to celebrate with us--we just wanted to extend the invite. 

So, if you got an invite from us, WE DON'T EXPECT A GIFT.  That isn't WHY we invited you.  We extended an invitation to our home to celebrate a milestone in our daughter's life.  We thought you might like to share our joy.  AND, if you didn't receive an invitation from us and were expecting one, I apologize.  We thought you might question 'why are they sending us this?' and we didn't want you to feel obligated.

Age difference

I am at job #2 today.  We had a new receptionist start.  Actually she isn't entirely 'new', she worked for us a few years back and has now returned.  So, we were standing around talking and she notices my foot.  My foot is a mess today...it looks like I dropped a brick on it.  The reality is that my darn bursitis is acting up.  Awesome.  So our conversation went something like this:

Her:   "What happened to your foot?"

Me:  "It is bursitis inflammation"

Her:  "What is that?"

Me:  "Something old people get"

Her:  "Oh, it looks horrible.  Do you want to see my bruise?"

Me:  "Sure"

Her, pulling pantleg up reveals a large bruise covering her knee.

Me: "What happened?"

Her:  "Oh, I was drunk and tried to jump into a boat this weekend, I didn't make it."

Me:  "Your story is much more interesting than mine".

And I was again reminded of our difference in age....