The past week I have decided that I hate election years. The older i get, the more I hate them. Maybe it hasn’t always been this way in our country during an election year, or maybe it is just because the last 2 national election cycles, I have been able to pay more attention because our kids are older and so we engage in conversation with them about the process. I’m not sure, but what I am sure about is that it is my observation that during an election year, most people seem to lose their friggin’ minds and almost all tolerance of one another’s right to have an opinion goes right out the window.
Case in point, last week a political analyst made the mistake of stating that Ann Romney had ‘never worked a day in her life’. This set off a media **it storm, on BOTH sides of the line of reason. Her comment incited furor that led to ridiculous debates about how much work it is to be a stay-at-home mother. I say ridiculous debates, because honestly I think we ALL know that running a house and raising children is WORK. A LOT OF WORK. I honestly do not believe that the analyst was meaning that Ann Romney sat around on her butt all day watching TV while her children ran amok. From what I understand, the analyst is herself a parent of 2 children, so I am pretty sure that she has an understanding of the ‘work’ that is involved with running a house and raising children, EVEN THOUGH she holds a job outside of her home. I am sure the analyst even has a few friends who are full time stay at home parents. But, this IS an election year and so as I have stated before, many people lose their friggin’ minds and any sense of rationality or tolerance. YES...the statement was a STUPID STATEMENT. BUT, haven't we all tried to say something that came out horribly, terribly wrong?? Sometimes, people forget about giving someone the benefit of the doubt, nope, instead during an election year we set out to assume the ABSOLUTE worst in people. Forget about taking a step back and trying to look at things objectively. Why can’t we instead of going for the jugular try looking at the statement as (I believe) the analyst intended—that Ann Romney never held a job OUTSIDE of being at home full time raising her children?? I acknowledge that even stating it this way will piss some people off. After all, it is an election year.
So, I am going to go ahead and tread very lightly into this ‘working’ moms thing. AGAIN, I feel that the statement was a BLATANTLY STUPID in its delivery. Since becoming a mom almost 22 years ago, (with the exception of a handful of brief periods of time) I have always held a job outside of our home. I have held outside employment with both full and part time schedules. I have friends who are/were at home full time with their children and friends who work outside their home. While my ultimate dream is to manage my own business full-time out of my home, my dream has never been to be at home full-time with my children. Sorry, I know that might cause some to scream ‘why did you have children then?’ To that I answer, my job as a mother is to raise my children to be healthy, happy, independent individuals who contribute positively to our society. The last time I checked, staying at home with them full time was not a mandatory requirement in the mom job description. My reasons for my ‘working’ are varied and I won’t apologize or defend or explain the variety of reasons why our household works best if I engage in ‘work’ that garners me a paycheck. None of that is the point.
I have the highest respect for women who chose to be at home full-time, I applaud you. I acknowledge that you work hard. BUT, all of that being said, I have to be honest…when I heard the analyst say that Ann Romney ‘never worked a day in her life’, a part of me agreed with her. Don’t throw things at me, try to listen to me with an open mind. Part of me agreed with her NOT because I think stay-at-home moms don’t work, they MOST definitely do; instead, part of me agreed because those that ARE able to stay at home full time, do NOT experience the same type of work day that a mom who works outside the home does. It is my belief that moms, whether at home full or part time, live their lives in the perpetual middle of a juggling act. HOWEVER, I would hope we can all agree that the mom that is NOT at home full time has to ALSO juggle her outside employer and all that goes with that slice of her existence. We need to remember that every decision about events that occur during her normal working hours must also factor the time that it will take her away from her outside employment. That means for every child’s illness, doctor appointment, dentist appointment, piano lesson, school field trip, assembly, teacher conference and sporting event, the mom that is not at home full time has to make her decision about her presence at these events based not only on the usual long list of factors that EVERY mom faces, but she must also include how it will affect her time at her outside employment. Again, I believe that this is something that someone who is able to be at home full time with her children cannot truly understand, no matter how informed that mom may be. I can tell you from my 22 years of experience in making these types of decisions, that this is ALWAYS a potential minefield where someone feels neglected. Guilt is almost always inevitable. No matter how you decide to spend your time, you do so knowing that you will disappoint someone, ALWAYS. And yes, I know that moms who stay at home full time also experience the guilt that comes with feeling your decisions have disappointed someone in your life that you love.
Bottom line, I will never be able to embody what it is to be a full-time stay at home mom and all of her daily challenges, just as a full-time stay at home mom will never be able to embody me and all of my daily challenges. We can try to understand and relate and empathize with each other, but our perspectives will always be different, sometimes a little different and sometimes a lot different. I still think that is what the analyst was trying to get at—her perspective of being a ‘working’ mom was different than Ann Romney’s perspective, but judging by the **it storm this week, not too many are willing to view her statement the same way I choose to. That is ok. I will just continue to hope that some of us will keep TRYING to understand each other by listening to each other with an open mind, even when our words don’t always come out in our intended manner.
