All-You-Can-Eat

I was at the mall the other night. No, much to contrary opinion, I was NOT satisfying a retail therapy urge, I was instead taking my two teenage daughters to purchase every possible item of clothing that they had outgrown. Changing of the seasons and all that....that time of year where they pull out the shorts, tank tops, swimsuits, flip flops and realize that most of the items they wore last year are sadly a size too small and require replacement. It used to be that Annika could wear Kirsten’s hand-me-downs. No such luck this year. While Annika is a few inches shorter than Kirsten, they are for all practical purposes the same size. My Visa company will thank me this month. In the interest of fairness, I probably should ask Josh if he has any urgent wardrobe needs as well. Being a man now, he often fails to REALLY see that the clothing he is pulling from the back of the closets and bottom of the drawers may have seen its better day.

I digress. When we were at the mall, we walked past that iconic culinary establishment, ‘Old Country Buffet’. It was Saturday Steak Night, and there was a long line forming in the mall wing outside of Target. Apparently, several patrons were in the mood for fine dining that night. They could hardly wait to get in there to the warming lights where a pimple-faced teenager wearing a white chef’s hat and holding a carving knife and meat fork was excitedly waiting to carve a hunk of sirloin, gristle and fat included, for their choking/tasting pleasure. The girls and I laughed as we walked past the line. Then, I’m not sure which one said it first, but one said ‘ I really like eating there’ and the other quickly agreed. It got me thinking, what is it about human nature where the ‘all you can eat’ buffet can be so enticing?

Our family has had dinner O-N-C-E at Old Country Buffet. The kids were younger, I think it was probably a night that we had taken them to the mall to have their pictures taken and we were waiting the hour for the pics to be developed. Dean and I are not big ‘all you can eat’ people, as we don’t like to leave the dinner table in a state which requires unbuttoning our top pants button and popping an antacid. The kids, however, think that walking in and viewing every possible food imaginable is exciting. We gave in to this excitement once. We vowed never again.

The rate of obesity in our country has greatly increased in the last 20 years. The last estimates wagered that 49 of our 50 states had obesity rates of AT LEAST 20%. Thirty-two of those 49 states had rates of AT LEAST 25% with 6 of those states (Alabama, Mississippi, Oklahoma, West Virginia, South Carolina and Tennessee) weighing in at equal to or over 30% of their population being obese. I was wondering what constitutes someone being obese–statistically, you are obese if your body mass index (or BMI) is 30 or over. For instance, someone who is 5'6 and weighs 185 pounds (or more) would be considered obese. If you have ever stood in the check-out line at WalMart, or in the line at Old Country Buffet, you have most likely rubbed elbows with several who exceed the 30 BMI. threshold. But honestly, is it because of our dependence and excitement at the notion of ‘all you can eat’ deals and establishments?

So back to my initial question, what is so tantalizing about an all-you-can eat buffet? When I was in college, a dorm-mate of mine and I would often head to Skipper’s Seafood. Skippers had a wonderful all-you-can-eat special for $7.99, drink included. My friend would always take a large handbag and was known to shove food into a plastic bag that she had stashed in her handbag. Upon returning to the dorm, she would label the bag and stash it in the floor’s refrigerator. And no, contrary to what you may think, my friend was S-K-I-N-N-Y. She didn’t think so, but she was. There was something about being able to have the gal behind the Skipper’s counter keep refilling the plastic basket lined in checkered paper that was satisfying.

I think it is the same at restaurants that include ‘Buffet’ in their name. Walking into an establishment, paying a set fee and then wandering between the warming and cooling bars, plastic tray in hand, ready to load and re-load white ironstone plates with a tantalizing array of tasty tidbits can bring even the most health conscious to their knees in anticipation. I’m here to tell you that nothing good can come from scarfing multiple plates of deep fried shrimp, garlic mashed potatoes, or even piling your plate high with fixings from the salad bar that include hard boiled eggs, bacon bits, shredded cheese and huge dollops of ranch dressing–don’t forget the ranch dressing, mmmmmmmm. When I have partaken in this glutenous activity, I have felt something like Violet in ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’ when she ate the grape gum and had to be rolled out to be juiced. It’s was a miserable feeling.

Recently our state has enacted laws that encourage restaurants posting the nutritional information for each menu item. I wonder if this policy will have an effect on the buffet-type restaurants. Something tells me that the majority of patrons to such establishments aren’t going to care. It’s sad really. Didn’t their mothers ever tell them about the starving kids in China? Those starving children would FREAK if they saw a buffet, especially the one at ‘Wonderful Buffet’, our most recent entry into the local buffet restaurant market. That being said, I still really miss Izzy’s, a pizza buffet place. Sadly, the restaurant closed in our town and the location was remodeled and re-opened as a ‘Love Zone’. Uh-huh, I seriously can’t make that up.

Good times, good times. I think I’ll have the side salad for dinner tonight. Thank you.

How full is your closet?

So I realize it has been a few days since I had some free time to write. I hate that, because I find that I really enjoy it. I have an unquenchable need to ‘use all my words’.

I am at home today. The temptation to work 5 days/week is overwhelming. Lately, my work desk has WAY too many files on it that require my attention. I guess I should consider it job security, but because I have a personal life that requires a lot of energy and time, I find myself resenting that my presence in the office is required more than I originally signed on for. I know, I need to stop complaining and be glad I have a job.

I am at home today. I’m trying to decide what tasks I should engage in to occupy my day. It is 10:30 a.m. and all I have done so far is sort thru my closet and drawers and do a little purging. I find that I do this a lot. I took a step back and started to analyze that. Why is it that my closet seems to be so full? Could it be...retail therapy?? Humbly I think I need to admit this addiction. My name is Kim, and I can sometimes be a shop-a-holic.

There I said it. Although you may notice that I made the statement with a little wiggle room. ‘Sometimes’. I feel the need for wiggle room because I honestly go in phases. Last year, I went almost all year without any real shopping excursions, on-line shopping, Ebay purchases, etc. I really steered clear of the retail arena. I even fared the Christmas shopping season without any excessive purchasing. Lately, however, I have found the craving for retail therapy becoming stronger. The need to have my closet and drawers filled with clothing items can be all consuming. Of course it is rather difficult to satiate this yearning for all things fashion when you have a tight budget.

I think the need to have a full closet stems from childhood. That’s right, I am going to blame my parents. However, I do find it telling that each of my siblings also have abundant wardrobes. At one time, one sibling had an entire spare bedroom that was set up as their closet. It was a thing of true beauty.

We all have wardrobe-gone-pitiful stories from our childhood. My older brother likes to refer to a ‘pleather’ coat he wore all thru high school as his ‘Planet of the Apes’ jacket. I’m sorry THAT makes me laugh–especially when I visualize him wearing the coat, long shaggy comb-over styled hair carrying his guitar. Yup, it truly personified cool.

My sister and I were dressed alike for most of our pre-adolescent years. This meant that not only did I get to wear the outfits once as one-half of the Doublemint girls, BUT I got to wear the outfit twice when she grew out of hers and passed it down to me. School shopping generally consisted of purchase of a pair of tennis shoes and 2 pairs of jeans and a new coat every other year. I was lucky in the fact that I have a September birthday. That usually added some extra necessities that came from extended family. Even with that, during jr. high and high school, I always felt very inferior in my wardrobe variety. I think that is why today I tend to sometimes go a little overboard in my acquisition of clothing items. For example, a quick inventory this morning turned up 6 white cardigan sweaters (each a little different from the other one). It is ok though...I keep everything color coordinated so I can differentiate and find things quickly. Now if only the items were in a smaller size then I could be really satisfied with that wardrobe.

Yup, I really can’t be blamed. It is my parents’ fault. Just kidding....kind of.

So you think you're perfect? I have some news for you....

I am going to skip Memory Monday today. I’m not into it today. I am not into it today because I am very concerned about a good friend of ours.

We have a friend that is going thru a difficult time right now. This friend has stood by us in some pretty dark times. He and his wife are very giving people. They have devoted their lives to service and to others. We look up to them and their example and they have taught us a lot.

We live in a small town. There are advantages to that and there are disadvantages. I can’t help but think that his difficult time wouldn’t be so difficult if we didn’t live in a small town

Our small town is beautiful. Most keep their lawns neat and trimmed. Houses gleam and pride of ownership is definitely on display on every block. Unfortunately, I feel that sometimes along with that pride comes a level of piety. Unfortunately, I also feel that at times many are merely hiding behind a perfect facade, afraid to let people see them ‘warts and all’. I feel that many hide behind that facade and yet are all too quick to divert attention to others when they may stumble or trip.

Our friend is someone who works in a public position. While on the one hand I understand that we expect more out of those that stand in front for all to see, on the other hand I am annoyed that we seem to forget that they are human just like we are. Just because someone signs on to be in the public eye, does it mean that they have to be better than we are? Does that mean that they are not allowed to make mistakes? Does that mean that they aren’t allowed to have any privacy?

On numerous occasions our friend has publicly said that he is no better than anyone else. He has often shared his shortcomings and struggles. Sometimes he has been criticized for being too human. Some forget that he, like all of us, is entitled to have a bad day, to be grumpy, maybe occasionally bite someone’s head off. We forget that he is someone’s son, brother, cousin, uncle, father and husband. He is flawed, just like the rest of us. I also know him to be one to apologize quickly if a wrong is called to his attention.

So how do you treat those that are in the public eye when they stumble on the crack in the sidewalk? Our friend made a mistake. No one was hurt, no property was damaged or destroyed. Honestly, it was an error that I know many of us could make just as easily. But it didn’t happen to one of us, it happened to him and because of that, suddenly there seems to be a lot of self-appointed judges and jurors out there. There also seems to be a lot out there that think they have some inside track on damning information. I am saddened (and scared to death at the same time) of some of the things that I have heard. People are all too eager to push their way to the ‘inside loop’. Some seem ready to condemn based on very limited hearsay.

Our friend is going thru a difficult time. It is a very lonely time when you learn who your true friends are. It is a very lonely time when you are facing a challenge and those that you thought were your friends are suddenly questioning your word. We have been there. We have been there when we made ourselves vulnerable and shared honestly, only to have some come back and think the worst in us, to think that we would be lying to them. I know in the past I have been guilty of this too and I am ashamed of myself for that. I hope that I have learned to always give others the benefit of the doubt unless there are clear-cut reasons to not; and by clear-cut I don’t mean hearsay. By clear-cut I mean that I have seen it with my own eyes, or experienced it first hand–not based on information that someone told someone.

We make mistakes; correction EVERYONE makes mistakes. We need to remind ourselves of that everyday. All have sinned and fallen short, but thru grace we can find a way to accept forgiveness, learn from our mistakes and move on. We all need to do our part. Sometimes our part is as simple as telling another who is going thru a difficult time, ‘its alright, you are not alone’. Sometimes it is telling someone to think before they speak or question another, after all what if it were THEM? How would they hope people would react? My guess is they would hope that people would look at their track record and if warranted give them the benefit of the doubt. There are always going to be those of us who aren’t able to show grace to another. I guess I need to remind myself to pray for those that seem set on ‘digging up dirt’ on another just to satisfy something deep within themselves. In those circumstances, I am never sure of the motivation. Perhaps denial and diversion?

I hope our friend will get thru this without having his integrity, reputation and name tarnished beyond repair. It is a tough time for him. It has been made more difficult by actions of those that should be supporting him. I ache for him and I will continue to pray that cooler heads prevail and realize how damaging their doubt can be. I know I will fight for them and stand behind them. After all, isn’t that what a friend does?

The Hiring Process

We are in the process of hiring a new receptionist. You would think this would be a fairly easy task in light of my bare minimum requirements (must know all the letters of the alphabet, IN order, etc.). Yesterday we sat and went thru the first stack of applicants. Later, I had to take a step back and remind myself that each of these people was looking for work, they needed a job. Most may not have a job right now; looking for a job IS their job.  It made me thankful I'm not in that boat right now.

In today’s world, there are several articles on the internet regarding what to do and not to do when applying for a job; countless suggestions on what to include in your cover letter and resume. Of course there is also a corresponding list of what NOT to include. I felt that I needed to add my own input on this topic. The following is my list of things to do and not do when applying for a job:

1. If your reply e-mail is not generic (i.e. jedoe@msn.com), please obtain a new e-mail address purely for job application purposes. If the reply e-mail listed is something like ‘pocaHOTass@hotmail.com’ or ‘catlover@msn.com’ or ‘bootylicious@yahoo.com’ or ‘hotbunny@gmail.com’ most likely, we will NOT be contacting you for an interview.

2. Do NOT use Courier 12 pt. font for your resume and cover letter. No one uses an IBM Selectric Typewriter anymore to type their resume and cover letter, so PLEASE use your imagination and pick a nice, professional-looking font.

3. By the same token as #2, do NOT use a cutesy font like Comic Sans, unless you are applying to work at a daycare and are trying to show your childlike side. Uhmmm, no, second thought, DON’T.

4. Don’t use exclamation points in your cover letter or forward e-mail. I don’t want to hear that you ‘saw our ad and are happy to apply!’ Or, that you have a ‘people-plus personality!’. Or, worse that you are ‘anxious to discuss this opportunity in person!!’. Right away, I feel like I am being stalked.

5. Please do not direct your application to ‘Humane Resources Department’, we already know our weaknesses and don’t need to have them pointed out to us.

6. When you respond to our Craig’s List ad, be careful that you know you are responding to us and not just replying to your friend who forwarded you the ad. Uhmmmm, not good to e-mail the potential employer saying: ‘I wonder which office it is? Well I suppose I will just tell them that I am having outpatient surgery in August and make it look like it is no big deal..LOL’. Uh-huh, that one went in the ‘NO’ pile.

7. Be specific with your previous work experience. This means not only including the dates you worked, but also the NAME of the business where you worked. Listing your previous work experience under generic headings such as ‘Office’, ‘Clothing Store’, ‘Restaurant’ isn’t going to do it. I’m going to worry that if you can’t tell us who you worked for, what else are you trying to hide??

8. If you own a small side business called ‘Little Orbits’, just omit that from the listed work experience. I’m not sure WHAT kind of business would be called that, but I’m thinking you might be a drug dealer or something.

9. Don’t be paranoid in your response to an ad. In other words, either apply and see what happens or don’t. I really don’t care; I have a job, you are the one seeking work. BUT, if you send me an e-mail asking me to: ‘please reply and provide additional information about this position to verity that this is a legitimate business and job opening before I send my resume and reference information’ chances are I am going to put your e-mail into the ‘No’ pile, I’m just kind of ornery that way.

10. Use complete, comprehensible sentences. Statements like: ‘I have displayed throughout my career’ make me scratch my head and wonder exactly WHAT did you display.

11. Don’t try to make me feel like you are doing me a favor by applying. Statements like ‘I am not applying for every position I come across’ don’t impress me. I read your resume, you are a karaoke host at a dive bar.

12. If we have advertised that it is a permanent, full-time position, it is a waste of time to apply and tell us that you are looking for a summer job.

I don’t think I’m being too difficult or am I? In closing I have to say that so far my favorite cover letter was the one that was a Top 10 List of reasons we should hire her. The best were item numbers 4-8: '4) not going to have a baby, 5) no impending marriage, 6) I have no personal or home issues, 7) I am literate, and 8) I’m an available person with no territorial issues.'  Now THAT is funny.

In a loop.

This week has been a tough week. I seem to be in a loop that I can’t quite get out of. I am at my desk right now, trying to focus on the mountains of paper and files that require my attention, but I can’t seem to get engaged in it, AT.ALL.

The reason for my loop--loss of friendship. I recently lost contact with someone who had become very dear to me. We were in almost constant conversation. Random cryptic texts that no one else could probably decipher, but they would make me smile. Lengthy e-mail exchanges. Heartfelt discussions about a variety of topics; sharing anger, frustration and joy in little things. Laughter, a LOT of laughter. Then one day it ended, completely. I have apologized for causing hurt feelings and any responsibility I may have had in the situation, but the apologies have been returned with silence. At times, the experience makes my heart ache, this week is one of those times.

I am in a loop. Am I not who I think I am? Am I a ‘snarky ass’ person (a label that I believe was directed at me)? Was I so pitiful a friend that I deserve to be intentionally hurt? Or is it simply that they moved on and decided I had no place in their life. My usefulness had been exhausted? How did I misread what I thought was a true, honest, open relationship? The worst thought, the thought that perhaps I unintentionally hurt someone so deeply that their only recourse was to inflict pain on me by their silence.

I question what type of person I am. I thought I was a caring, loving, compassionate person worthy of friendship, but maybe I am wrong. Maybe instead I am someone that is unhealthy and caustic. On some levels I don’t believe that, but on other levels I wonder. I guess I will never know. I do know that I did my best to be what this person needed. I’m just sorry that it wasn’t enough.

Memory Monday-Cleaning

Our oldest, Josh, came home last Friday.  He just finished his sophomore year at Seattle Pacific University.  It is great to have him back home for the summer..even though I do have to remind myself that it's ok if his belongings overflow his room into the bonus room AND its ok if he doesn't make his bed all summer.  He is a fun kid to have around and I know that this may be the last summer he is home, maybe not, but it might be, so I am not going to complain if there is an extra pile of laundry on my utility room floor (after all he will wash his OWN laundry).  I'm not going to complain  if we go thru multiple gallons of chocolate milk in one week (one of his favorite things to drink), or if he drinks the last can of coke and forgets to put a new pack in the referigerator so that it is cold and ready when I have a craving.  Nope.  I will keep reminding myself that it is ALL good.

Right now I am in the midst of some organization projects.  One of the things I want to tackle is photo albums.  As I was going thru the really old ones, I laughed at the many pictures of Joshua as a toddler.  Being our first, of course there are a lot of pictures of him.  The thing that I found amusing today, were the many pictures of Josh cleaning.  As a toddler he LOVED to have things picked up.  He was very good at gathering up his belongings (and those of others) and hauling them to where they needed to be.  He would often disappear and I would find him in the bathroom cleaning the tub, or the sink.  I am not sure if he felt I wasn't keeping a clean enough house, OR if he was trying to imitate me.  The most rational explanation is that he was trying to imitate his Grandma Crosno who is THE QUEEN of housecleaning.  That HAS to be it.  He always had a thing for his Grandma.  After all, she kept a pantry full of snacks that were always ready for him when he visited.  She still does.

So in honor of Memory Monday, I am posting a few pictures of Joshua cleaning.  I am a little concerned at showing the one of him cleaning the tub, because the tub honestly looks disgusting...it needed a good scrubbing!  In my defense, that was a VERY old house and the finish on the tub had long since eroded.  When he is home this summer, I wonder if I can get Josh to clean my shower??? hmmmmmmmm.

Labels

When it comes to my political views, I have never liked to be labeled. I readily admit, I have been guilty of branding someone, I just don’t appreciate someone else branding me. Lately, this sort of thing seems to be happening a lot more in our society. People seem to take some sort of strange comfort in being able to assign a single word to describe another’s viewpoint and ideas. You guessed it I am talking about those labels we keep hearing: conservative and liberal.

I have never liked to have my political views labeled. I know that these adjectives have been used and thrown about for many moons, but I have become more acutely aware of their usage during the last few years. That is probably related to the fact that our country has gone thru a huge political shift during the last round of general elections. During that last election round, most viewed the candidates and ALL of their philosophies and views as polar opposites. On some points I agree with that and on others I disagree. All candidates spoke of change, all candidates spoke of wanting to make things better for our citizens, all candidates spoke of wanting to make our nation stronger. People became angry and sometimes violent. A lot felt threatened. Families and friends argued. A general pervasive nastiness was abundant. Those two words, conservative and liberal, seemed to incite a divisiveness. Those two tag words are spoken in condescension by either side of the other side.

I have never liked to be labeled. The last two weeks I have had 3 different people tell me in random conversations, ‘well you are just a ** so you should be: insert assumption here’. NO. NO. NO. The reason that I dislike labels is that by assigning the tag, people suddenly think they know how someone views every issue. My thoughts and views are a little more complex than that. I have a variety of views on a variety of issues. Some of those complexities are based on life circumstance and experience. Some of those complexities change. Some days these complexities are in conflict with others. I may feel strongly one way on an issue and then go thru an experience that changes my perspective and view. If I have been labeled, suddenly others don’t allow me the freedom to change my view to something different than the label suggests.

Webster’s Dictionary defines conservative as: disposed to preserve existing conditions, institutions, etc., or to restore traditional ones, and to limit change; cautiously moderate or purposefully low, i.e., a conservative estimate; traditional in style or manner; avoiding novelty or showiness: i.e., a conservative suit or dress. In opposition to that is the definition of liberal: favorable to progress or reform, as in political or religious affairs; favorable to or in accord with concepts of maximum individual freedom possible, esp. as guaranteed by law and secured by governmental protection of civil liberties; favoring or permitting freedom of action, esp. with respect to matters of personal belief or expression, i.e. a liberal policy toward dissident artists and writers; of or pertaining to representational forms of government rather than aristocracies and monarchies; free from prejudice or bigotry; tolerant: a liberal attitude toward foreigners; open-minded or tolerant, esp. free of or not bound by traditional or conventional ideas, values, etc.; characterized by generosity and willingness to give in large amounts.

Now, if you are a Follower of Christ, and you strive to live by His teachings, how do you reconcile these definitions? Is there room for a blending of ideas, views and philosophies? For me, I hope that the only label people will always use for me is ‘Follower of Christ’; because to me, that is the one that matters the most.

Wanted: New Receptionist

This morning I was greeted with information that our receptionist is leaving in three weeks. She decided that it was time for her to leave our wonderful little hub of entertainment and go back to school. We all applauded her choice.

I had mixed emotions when she told me the big news. She has been with us for almost two years. Even after two years, I barely know this girl. The notion of keeping things to yourself does not escape this one. We all like her. She is here everyday and doesn’t bring any extra drama into the office (the guys have that department covered)! But she is SO QUIET. We have even called her ‘the mute one’ at times because it is so difficult to get her to speak. All that said, I will miss having her and her beautiful smiling face at the front desk.

After the big announcement a flurry of e-mails between the guys (which they felt they needed to include me in) ensued. This can NEVER be a good thing. By the end of the exchange, I had given up hope that my ideas of basic qualifications would ever be heeded. One of the principals has an entirely different set of hiring criteria in mind. My basic wish list looks like this:

1) Must be able to speak fluently (I honestly don’t even care what language, just attempts at conversation would be nice); 2) Must be able to recite the letters of the alphabet IN ORDER; 3) Must be able to alphabetize correctly (see #2 above); 4) Must be able to file documents correctly into the proper files, without being asked (not too much to ask for a law office–right?); 5) Must be able to properly repeat callers’ names when announcing who is on the phone (see #1 above) thus avoiding confusion; 6) Must be able to work a copier without requiring assistance; 7) Must remember to re-load copier without being asked; 8) Must be at work more than they are not at work; 9) Must be able to purchase weekly office grocery items without disappearing for a lengthy period of time (I mean seriously how long can it take to purchase paper towels, coffee, creamer, soda, bottled water, nuts and string cheese when your office building is NEXT DOOR to the grocery store???).

See, that wasn’t so bad and yes my list is based on past experiences. My basic requirements are quite different from one of the principals of our office. His list would go something like this:

1) Must be height and weight proportional (i.e., D cup preferred); 2) Must be between the ages of 21 and 25 (needs someone 21 to do liquor store runs for him, doesn’t want them ‘too old’ for fear they may outsmart him); 3) Must wear tight clothing; 4) Must laugh at all his jokes; 5) Must be willing to be buzzed at all times of the day for silly things like, come into my office and make a copy for me; 6) Prefer someone who is willing to mix drinks and/or open wine bottles on occasion.

And no, I can’t make this up. Remember, that series of e-mails I referred to???

Good times, good times.

Full Disclosure--Overstuffed Handbag

During my lunch break, I was digging thru my handbag and realized that I carry a plethora of things in that bag. I have never been one that carries a small handbag, but right now I am primarily using my colorful super summer tote. (Disclosure: I am also one that has to be sure that my handbag coordinates with my clothing and/or shoes...drives me batty if it doesn’t and nobody needs me anymore crazy than I already am!) In the interest of keeping it real, I decided to inventory and list what is currently in my handbag:

1) Prescription sunglasses

2) Granola bar (I did have 2, but I gave Kirsten one at state tournament when she was starving)

3) PALM personal organizer

4) Expired $10 off coupon to Famous Footwear (darn, missed it again)

5) Kohls’ and Old Navy receipts

6) Pack of kleenex
7) Mints (2 packs, Mini-Altoids and Eclipse)
8) Expired Lowes $25 off card (missed that one too)
9) $25 Regal Entertainment gift card
10) $25 Olive Garden gift card
11) $25 Outback gift card
12) 2 Propel packs (to try to convince me to drink more water by adding fruity flavor)

13) Eye Dr. appointment reminder card

14) 2 WIAA passes to State Championship events

15) Car keys

16) Office keys

17) Keys to my Mom’s home (funny I don’t even think I have a key to my OWN house)
18) 2 tubes of lipstick–1 should have been thrown away weeks ago, the other is new
19) Advil
20) small notebook and pen
21) Make-up compact (empty, again should have been thrown away weeks ago)
22) 3 old grocery lists
23) Checkbook (stuffed with receipts and held closed with a binder clip)
24) Wallet (I won’t survey that one–suffice it to say stuffed with receipts, not cash)
25) Stack of receipts stapled together (because they could no longer fit in #23)
26) 3 pens
27) New bank card I am supposed to activate, but keep forgetting (my old one still works, why bother?)
28) Post-it reminding me of upcoming appointments for Annika
29) Beat up pad of paper from Embassy Suites Hotels–that HAS to be old, the last time I stayed at Embassy Suites I believe was August 2009!
30) Paystub
31) Hotel receipt from Hampton Inn Richland (state softball)
32) Stack of Macy’s ‘Star Rewards’ coupons (YAY! None of these are expired!!)
33) Receipt for purchase of graduation gifts
34) Grocery Store brochure for deli and bakery trays (just in case)
35) Sheet protector filled with take-out menus (for a little project I am working on)
36) last, but not least, cell phone

The bag is getting a little heavy. If only I had something I could throw away.  Oh and please, please remember the proper term IS handbag, purse is something you do with your lips--right Becky?

Memory Monday-Engagement

I realized today that it has been almost 23 years exactly since we got engaged.  We met in January of 1987.  Our first date was on January 16.  We have been together ever since.

In June of that year Dean and I decided to take a camping trip together.  We camped in the Mt. Rainier National Forest--Ohanapecosh.  As a child I had spent a lot of time camping at Ohanapecosh with my Grandpa and Grandma Crosno.  It was fun to take Dean there for the first time.  It was during that weekend we talked about getting married.  Dean later admitted that he had already been out shopping for the ring.  When we got back to Seattle, he went and picked up the ring and officially proposed over a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken.  Now just so you don't think that the proposal occured in the parking lot of our local KFC, I will clarify that we drove to the Magnolia Bluff in Seattle and THEN we ate our chicken and he proposed.  Later, we made the trek to Yakima to tell my parents and then finally to Lynden to tell his parents.   I laugh now when I think that it never even entered our minds for Dean to ask my Father for 'permission' to ask me.  I'm not quite sure what that means, but can't change it now!  We were married the following March 19, 1988.

Ohanapecosh River, Washington

I look at this picture and I realize how VERY, VERY young we were.  Aren't the matching pastel colors pretty?    I don't honestly know what we were thinking!  I was only 19 when we got engaged, 20 when we married.  When I realize that our oldest is now 20 it freaks me out to think about him being married!  WOW!  Upon seeing this picture, I remember my older brother Jeff said that Dean looked a little like Billy Joel. Hah!  I guess it was the big Haan eyes.   I wasn't sure how to take that one!  I will say it that has been a pretty amazing  journey growing up together.

our official engagement picture
June, 1987

a more recent picture taken in Zihuatanejo, Mexico

Loss of Health, cont.

I am brought back to relaying our saga about loss of health and all the circumstances that come with that type of loss. We have a friend right now that is going thru cancer treatment. I feel that what we have gone thru/go thru pales in comparison to that. I feel that it pales in comparison to a lot of things that people are going thru. Consequently, I tend to stuff the emotions. I follow the adage that everyone has situations and circumstances they are dealing with, ours is nothing different. However, I was reminded this week that I should not minimize the pain and loss that we have endured, or suppress the situational anger that sometimes bubbles up within me. By doing so I run the potential of shutting down, of not feeling any emotion. While what we encounter daily is not potential life/end of life scenarios, we have been operating in a sort of crisis mode for over 5 years. When I think of it in those terms, it overwhelms me.

I am not sure what the most difficult part has been. The loss of financial stability has been frustrating. We have often joked that the process of paying our bills each payday might be more palatable if we made it some sort of drinking game....pay a bill, take a drink...transfer funds, take a drink, etc.. I do maintain perspective that there are many who are a lot worse off than we are. I don’t think that is really the point I am trying to make. We have more than most and less than others. For us the point is that we had worked very hard to put ourselves into a favorable financial position, one where a listing of our obligations didn’t require the use of a complicated spreadsheet. Now we feel there is no end in sight to what we owe. The daily unexpected non-budgeted expenses often induce nausea–how will we pay for that??

The loss of confidence that people view us favorably has been another bump on the sidewalk that I consistently stub my toe on. The day the CPS worker was on my porch still haunts me. I don’t know when, or if, I will be able to shake the fact that some felt we were capable of abusing our ill child. I know I should move past it, but when something like that happens, you feel as though everyone knows and has talked about it, or IS talking about it. ‘Well you know the Haans? They are pretty sure that they abused their youngest daughter and they are all in treatment for it now’. I shouldn’t give ourselves such an important place in our community–one where people care enough to gossip about us, but it is how I feel.

We also have encountered a separation from some of our peers. For most, we understand that it’s uncomfortable to talk about mental health issues. It’s easier to ignore anything is going on. It’s easier not to spend time with us because the subject might come up. While we acknowledge and understand it can be an uncomfortable topic, there have still been a lot of lonely days. Again, we have had several that have stood by us, but it only takes that 1 or 2 that seem to fade away to make you feel completely alone and unworthy.

Perhaps the hardest loss has been losing my idea of how raising three healthy, happy children to adulthood would look. The constant readjustment of plans and ideas is unsettling. While I know I am not in control and I need to trust God and his plan for our lives, it is still tough for a control freak like me. It’s hard to see your children suffer the normal day-to-day ups and downs. It’s hard to step back and let them fall on their face as they live thru trials and errors. But, it can be unbearable when your child suffers more than the usual day-to-day and you are powerless to change that for them.

For now, I just pray and hope that her current treatment routine will continue in a favorable direction. Since this past September we have seen huge strides and improvement. Every day is a new challenge, but those challenges seem to get more manageable and less strenuous. Maybe soon a time will come in our lives where I don’t think about her mental health issues in the present, but I think of them as a season of our lives that we have moved out of. Maybe soon I won’t have to ache with the pain that fills her emotional life daily. Maybe soon, she will look at me and say ‘remember when I was SO anxious all the time?’

Behind Closed Doors

I like to keep a clean house. I was raised by a woman with obsessive compulsive disorder whose main compulsion was to maintain a clean and organized house. It was not unusual for me to be punished for not making my bed to exacting standards or for lack of tidy maintenance of my closet and drawers. Pets were forbidden due to their potential for foul bodily emission. Live plants were also on the prohibited list–after all generally they ARE potted in dirt. There was never a lack of faux flora and fauna, but that is a ANOTHER story.

I like to keep a clean house. Disorganization disturbs me. Everything has a place and in its place it should be. The clothes in my closet are coordinated by color. I neatly stack and separate the tupperware in my bottom kitchen drawer. The china cups, plates and saucers and glassware in my antique china hutch are systematically arranged. I feel comforted being surrounded by order. Maybe that is because there is so much chaos in all other aspects of my life that I need my corner of the block to be well kempt. However, I have NO problem if those who reside outside my four walls don’t have the same need for organization as I do.

I like to keep a clean house. The rub comes in that I do not live alone. I share a home with a husband, 3 kids, a dog and some fish (I think they are still alive–I can’t tell!). Its not fair of me to expect that they will have the same needs for organization that I do. Over the years I have gotten much more lax in the keeping of the house. While I used to expect that every room, nook, cranny, drawer and closet was kept in ritualistic order, I have resigned to the fact that isn’t going to happen. I have to be ok with the heaps that may exist behind closed doors. When we are getting ready to entertain, the kids will often ask me ‘are people going to be going thru the house?’. Translation...do I have to clean my room??

I like to keep a clean house. Over the years, I have decided it is acceptable to have different zones of public presentation in our home. There is the main floor zone where rooms like the laundry room are off limits to anyone for fear they will view the mounds of shoes, kids backpacks, and stacks of laundry and hanging drip-dry items. There is the master bedroom zone, which can be viewed directly off the main floor zone. Requirements: bed must be made, laundry must not be visible, dresser and bedside tables must be catalog photo-shoot ready. The upstairs zone is NOT a public presentation zone, or at least to those visitors that are over 21 or on those extra special entertaining occasions–say an after family funeral gathering, or graduation celebration. There are many closed door zones up there. That area my friends is the children residence zone. I have learned that it is permissible for them to maintain their personal space how they want. There are still some basic guidelines that must be followed. Food, remnants of food, recyclables, dirty table service and cutlery items are NOT permitted to remain in the children residence zone. Garbage cans must be emptied on a somewhat regular schedule. Daily bed-making is encouraged but not required. Dirty laundry is also encouraged to be placed into proper hamper receptacles as is proper placement of clean laundry. Disposal of empty shampoo, conditioner, body wash, and lotion containers is promoted. Implementation of proper disposal practices with regard to candy wrappers, obsolete school papers and mail items and discarded packaging is suggested.

Some days these practices and suggestions are heeded, other days they are not. This morning I walked around and took a few pictures to share. These show how things are behind closed doors. As anxiety began to creep over me, I took a deep breath and reminded myself that the girls are asserting their independence, an important part of growing up. And just because I like to keep a clean house, doesn’t mean they do. And that is alright with me.

 I was greeted with the kitchen sink mess this morning, apparently no one wanted to unload the dishwasher.

I couldn't resist this picture of Trinity...I think she thought I was coming to move her.

Kirsten's room...bed made, walkway thru closet, but......

and then of course is  Annika's room....

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and last, but certainly not least....Kirsten's fish bowl.  We have dubbed it 'swamp bowl'.  She thinks her fish are still alive.

I'm takin' what their givin' cause I'm working for a livin'

I try to live my life by the adage that work does not define who I am, it is merely what I do for a living. This is a difficult concept to put into practice. When you meet people for the first time, often one of the initial questions is ‘what do you do for work?’. Or, my favorite, if you are a woman with children–‘DO you work?’. It can be a struggle to define who you are WITHOUT mentioning what you do for that paycheck. However, for the really lucky, those that are able to spend their workday hours engaging in activities that are their passion, work IS who they are. I have not been that fortunate, yet.

For the last 24 years, I have worked with lawyers. I started this venture as a receptionist at a downtown Seattle law firm. From 8:30-5:30 Monday thru Friday, I sat behind a reception desk. Surrounded by imported Italian leather furniture (that sadly stretched over time leaving ‘butt’ marks on the chairs that completely annoyed my image-conscious boss) and commissioned works of art hanging on the walls. The firm’s proprietor (my main boss) dressed in custom made shirts, Brooks Brothers shoes, and well-tailored suits. My starting salary was the monumental sum of $850.00 a month. I thought I had arrived. I worked hard and I learned a lot of difficult lessons about being a grown-up member of the work force. Later that work and willingness to learn was rewarded with a promotion and a big raise! I have worked as a legal assistant/paralegal ever since.

Over the years, my knowledge of the law grew to include a smattering of municipality/government, personal injury, criminal prosecution, real estate, estate planning, probate, condominium and community association development, civil litigation and foreclosure. Since I enjoy learning, it has been a good fit most of the time. Other times it has been excruciating to punch the proverbial time clock and remain in an environment all day that feels stifling.

Over the years, I have worked with a group of interesting characters. At the first firm, I worked with a woman (who was the same age as me at the time!) who had previously been convinced she was dying. Slowly she revealed her story. She had an affair with a married man who was about 30 years older than her. She was in L-O-V-E with this guy. Frankly I saw pictures and couldn’t understand the attraction–he LOOKED 40 years older than her. As the story goes, he wouldn’t leave his ill wife (oh of course she had to be ill right??) and so my co-worker became quite depressed and became convinced the end of her OWN life was near. She went out and purchased an expensive suit to be buried in. I still remember it, it was light pink and encrusted with lots of ‘bling’–think something that Crystal Carrington would wear in ‘Dynasty’. I remember it because she wore it to my wedding! I still have a picture of her in it and it makes me laugh when I think of her neurotic, yet sad story.

I also once worked with an obnoxious man who thought he had arrived because he was an attorney. This guy, having passed the bar and landed his corner view office, became the mail order king. Every day a new box would arrive filled with something he couldn’t afford, but something he felt he deserved since he was a lawyer. His intelligence bulb was a little dim and he took exception if I would correct him when I transcribed his droning dictation. To this day, I remember one day when I made a type-o and HE got to correct ME. I had mis-typed ‘its’ as ‘it’s’. If you have ever seen me speed type (especially when I am transcribing dictation), you would understand how I made this grievous error. This peacock walked over to my cubby with a dictionary in hand, opened it to the page that had ‘its’ and ‘it’s’ and proceeded to give me a grammar lesson. All I could think was ‘what an ass’. Today I believe he is low-level judge in the next county. Once we had a case and I was given the trial tape to transcribe. When I heard his voice on the tape, I cringed...

Once I worked with a guy who was a bishop in his Mormon church. Great guy, just a little mis-guided. He explained to me in detail how he could avoid payment of income tax because of his church’s requirement to give a large percentage of his income. Uhmmmmm, I don’t think that meant you could claim 8 children when you only had 4, but who am I to question? After I left that firm, apparently he was asked to leave after he dropped by, unannounced, at the new hottie receptionist’s apartment, hoping for a little somethin’ somethin’. Good times, good times.  Then of course there was the time that I worked with a gal who later became my roommate. She was having an affair with our boss. It sometimes got a little, well, complicated. We worked together, lived together, and hung out with our boss in the evenings. Sounds like the makings of a sit-com doesn’t it?

There was the receptionist that we were convinced was addicted to meth. Beautiful girl, long dark hair that hung in ringlets. I believe her e-mail address identity listed her as ‘Poca-hot-ass’. Can you say class-SY? Every day she set up a smorgasbord on her front office desk. She would start the morning off with breakfast, then second breakfast. Followed by lunch (which was always something really special like oh say a meatball sandwich), then second lunch (perhaps a cheese and cracker plate). Then she would start with early dinner. You would think she would have packed the pounds on with the daily calorie intake she sustained, but nooooooo, she stayed rail thin. Then of course there was constant stream of credit card applications, online purchases of bigger ticket items on said credit cards, that she would turn around and sell trying to get the cash. We finally had to fire her, there was just too much drama AND I was worried I might pick up her eating habits!

Over all the years, I have definitely met some great people. I miss a lot of them and some, like meatball sandwich girl, or pompous dictionary boy, I will readily admit I am thankful that they are no longer sharing office space with me. Then there are others who I miss seeing their smiling face and hearing their contagious laughter. 

 

While this job doesn't define WHO I am, it is a big part of how I spend my waking hours.  I hope that one day I will be able to make a shift which will allow my workdays to be filled with those things that I am passionate about.  For now, I will be thankful that I have a job that pays my family's bills and allows me flexibility for my family.