I’m a little behind on blogging. I had good intentions of sitting down last week and catching up, but the week passed and I still didn’t get to it. I wake up in the middle of the night and have some really great ideas, but in the morning I can’t remember them. I hate that.
Last week Annika was gone all week on a service project trip to Eastern Washington. She joined with several other kids working on the Yakama Indian Reservation. Now I spent my high school years in ‘Yakima’, and I never knew until this year that the ‘Yakama’ Indian tribe is spelled differently from the adjacent city. Did you know that? ANYWAY, since she was out of town all week, I decided to take a little vacation myself. I had hoped that Dean could get away with me, but that was not to be...he had too many people that were already on vacation for him to check out. So, I planned a little ‘Mommy is away’ vacation.
I.LOVE.IT. when I get to do this. I sometimes feel guilt at spending the money, but this time I was completely guilt free. The day I left on this little break, my 1 day/week bossman gave me some extra bonus $$, so off I went, cash in tow to enjoy my time.
I got to spend the next 4 days and 3 nights with a host of people that I was anxious to catch up with. I was able to spend one on one time with several different people. I.LOVE.THIS. It was SUCH a relaxing time. I stayed at a new spot for me...the Silver Cloud Stadium Hotel. It was a little different location for me because when I stay in Seattle, I like to be right in the heart of downtown and this was slightly south (it is nostalgic for me...when I left college to start my ‘adult’ life I worked in the heart of downtown and lived on Queen Anne). The hotel had a bonus...a rooftop deck and swimming pool something that is rare in downtown hotels. From one side you could look directly onto Safeco Field where the Seattle Mariners play (no there were no games when I stayed–it would have been crazy if there were!). Then the other direction looked out onto Puget Sound. As luck would have it the sun shone when I was there and I was able to just lay out and soak up the rays. Oh and the restaurant/bar were pretty great too!
As I was there, I began to think about all women that are never able to take time for themselves, or that never take the time because they don’t feel they should. There are a variety of reasons why, economics is probably the biggest one. I know that we could have used the money for other things (bills!), but being able to take time for myself is so important for me. I know that some probably view it as selfish (be thankful you have a family, how can you not want to spend all your time with them?) Others may view it as an unnecessary luxury. I have heard from some ‘oh I can’t do that because of all my responsibilities to work and my family’. Yes, I have those same responsibilities. I have people that need me and depend on me and that is EXACTLY why I try to schedule an extended time in for myself at least twice a year. If I don’t have those times away to spend just worrying about myself, I run myself past empty and have nothing to give to anyone.
Being alone is sometimes a very uncomfortable thing, but I have learned that making myself uncomfortable is, as Martha Stewart would say, a good thing. Granted my 4 days and 3 nights were not complete solitude, but I did have many hours during that time completely to myself. I read, I slept, I shopped, I ate, I drank, all by myself. No one asked me what was for dinner. No one asked me where I was going when I put shoes on. No one asked me to help them find some obscure item that they had just put down but suddenly it had disappeared. The best part, I didn’t feel lonely during this time. Quite the contrary. This was SO strange to me because lately I have been feeling very lonely, even when surrounded by people. I’m still trying to figure that one out, but when I was physically alone, I didn’t feel lonely, I just felt relaxed. No guilt, no shame, no needing to fix anything, answer questions or explain anything, just content.
By the last day, I was ready to return home. The re-entry is always a little tricky–you are glad to see everyone, yet not quite ready to resume your day-to-day role. I am thankful for the time away. I SO enjoyed the conversations and time spent with dear family and friends as well as the time alone. The time away nourished me. I enjoyed rediscovering ME, not the taskmaster me, but ME. Because when I am able to reintroduce myself to ME, I think I am able to be a better mom & wife, friend & co-worker. Or at least that is my hope.
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