Babies, and all that come with them.

Recently I had a discussion with a good friend. She, unlike me, is young and of childbearing age. She was sharing with me that she was not in any way, shape or form, feeling the need to reproduce. I’ve known her since she was first married and she had the same feeling then so it didn’t really surprise me that she was still not ‘feeling it’. However, she finds herself in the midst of procreating peers and she admitted, it was sometimes a little hard to take.

As we talked further, I could sense that she wasn’t opposed to the idea of building the next generation, instead it seems her peers and the way they were plunging into parenthood was emitting negative vibes. Bottom line, she didn’t think she could ‘keep up with the Joneses’ when it comes to babies and all that comes with them. So, for now, she was just saying no and enjoying her life.

I admitted that I knew exactly how she felt. I was never one to overly conform, although I will readily admit that if I was to do it over again, there is a lot I would change. There is a lot I would not purchase. While there are exceptions to those that follow the ‘rules’ of today’s parenting, the rules and not the exceptions are what bothers me. I should give a few examples, because my thought process is probably clear as mud right now.

First, the schedule. Again, I will admit that I like schedule. However, I like the schedule to be based on MY schedule, not my schedule based on someone else. (Yes, I often chant: I’m a control freak, I can change if I have to, I guess.) When we first started having kids, the books contained suggestions for how to set a schedule for your child. There are immense benefits in having some sort of routine. What I take issue with is the parents of today (again not ALL parents) following the routine to the umpteenth degree EVERY WAKING AND SLEEPING HOUR. I am here to say that I raised three babies into young adulthood and all of them slept thru the night in early infant-hood without me following a schedule that included NO exceptions. That’s right, there were days when I was on the run and they weren’t at home for their 10 am nap. They survived! There were nights that I wasn’t able to feed them exactly at 6 pm. They survived! AND there were even nights that we were out and we were not able to put them to bed at 7:30 pm. Guess what? THEY SURVIVED!

Second, the stuff. In my opinion, there are only a few special items that every parent must have. The list is rather short. These items include, crib, pack-and-play, car seat, stroller, and some sort of feeding chair, and some sort of chair/toy that keeps them up off the floor and in one spot. If you never plan to leave the house, you can omit the pack-and-play, car seat and stroller. That’s it. I realize that my idea would put Babies ‘r Us out of business, but that is my list. My sister made the mistake of using a baby swing with her oldest. Our niece wouldn’t go anywhere without the baby swing. It made packing up and taking off a little bulky. These little white noise machines that simulate the sound of being in the womb. I’m not buying it, not at all. Sooner or later, they have to learn that it’s a cold, harsh world out here, deal with it and go to sleep like we all do, whimpering ourselves into a catatonic state.

Third, the activities. Recently I heard about a franchise that organizes Moms (or Dads) and their precious prodigy into group stroller outings. That’s right, people pay a monthly fee (I was quoted $60/month) to go and ‘stroller stride’ with other parents. Apparently they teach you simple exercises that you can do while you push little Rosemary down the sidewalk. I checked the website, and learned that I could start such a franchise in my area for a $5000 franchise fee. Amazing. What happened to people asking their friend to go walking with them? Better yet, what happened to husbands and wives going out for a stroll in the evenings with their child? I guess I’m just old fashioned because that is what I used to do. The thought of paying $60 a month to have someone tell me where to show up to walk with other parents once a week seems ridiculous to me. I am sure everyone can think of another activity that seems to be a requirement of young parents today.

I don’t understand why today’s young parents (again most, not all) get sucked into the mountain of consumerism that surrounds child-rearing. In my Mom’s day, all she had was Dr. Spock’s book of dos and don’ts. (Ok, maybe not a good example, Mom could have used a little more help at times but that is another series of blog entries.) I will again readily admit that we fell into some of it. But I would NEVER have told visiting guests that we needed to go out to eat at 5 so little Betty Lou could be home and to bed by 7. It just never occurred to me to do that. Ever.

I wonder if the availability of information today makes it more difficult for new parents. Instead of having only a few friends to ask, you can now overwhelm yourself with suggestions and information. In my opinion, it seems like this wealth of knowledge has only served to erode new parents’ confidence in themselves, not empower them. I wonder what will happen with the next generation? I’m a little frightened to stick around and find out.

Disclaimer: I know there are parents out there who are sticking to just the basics. To you I say THANK YOU. To those that have been overwhelmed and feel the pressure–remember, YOU are the expert on YOUR child, no one else. Thank you and good-bye.